“Should I tell my daughter (9) she has a half brother?”
Henriëtte (38) is married to Pieter (42) and mother of Vlinder (9).
“Every evening I look at the crumpled passport photo on the side of Pieter’s night. A baby yet, oblivious to the basis of his life. And every night I swallow my words, all twelve years we’ve been together. Because that baby is Pieter’s son from a previous relationship. But no one knows of its existence.
Previous relationship
When Pieter and I fell in love, he immediately told me about his son. He and his ex had broken up badly. “Try to see your kid one more time, and I’ll fight you to the bone in court,” she’d said. Pieter then chose to rest for his son, then only six months old, and moved to the other side of the country.
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His ex soon got into another relationship. His son knows no better than that that is his father. He is now 17, and we do not know what knowledge he has now. We try to follow him on social media. But Pieter doesn’t want to send him a message – afraid of turning things upside down that might cause more damage than they do.
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Half brother
When I became pregnant with Vlinder, we discussed endlessly how to deal with this. Because by hiding the existence of Pieter’s son, we also deprive our daughter of a brother. I believe that every child has the right to be open about their parentage. But I have nothing to say about Pieter’s son, what he decides about it is his decision.
Pieter has accepted the situation, he says, but that passport photo – which Butterfly has never asked a question about – is there for a reason. Once in a while we talk about it again. But Pieter sticks to his position: he doesn’t want to cause any trouble. When his son needs it, Pieter is easy to find. In the meantime, I do feel a responsibility towards our daughter. Because with his decision, Pieter also determines that Vlinder knows nothing about her brother. The older she gets, the more often it wakes me up. Should I tell her anyway?”
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