‘My son (8 weeks) sleeps alone in the sling, what should I do?’

Jolande (27) lives with Tyrone (31) and is the mother of Davey (8 weeks).

“In advance I knew for sure how I would approach motherhood: tranquility, cleanliness and regularity. All those parents who did everything in consultation with their children, I didn’t want to know anything about it. Moreover, in the Surinamese culture of Tyrone, this is not common at all. So we agreed: after the maternity period Davey would take all the naps in his own bed, eat at regular intervals and most of all not become a ‘daddy’, as my mother-in-law affectionately calls it.

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To sleep

Davey seemed like a dream baby the first week. He did drink his bottles at set times, barely made a sound, and slept exemplary. But after that week, everything changed. Davey refused the bottle when I offered it and then asked for two in a row, and sleep: never mind. We walked for hours through the neighborhood with a screaming baby in the car. Drove halfway through the Netherlands to get him to sleep. We swaddled him, sat next to his crib for hours, and tried ten different teats. Until I discovered the solution: a sling. On my chest, Davey was gone in minutes whether I was walking or sitting. One problem, consult him while sleeping in his bed or the box didn’t work, then he immediately started screaming again.

By now I’ve tied it to my back from the hours with my baby on me. How am I ever going to get him off me? That way we never get to a routine. Do I have to sit through this phase, or is it a matter of persevering?”

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