‘I am regularly covered in bruises’
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She knew that Claudia was interested in rougher sex even before she met Remco when she was fourteen. They therefore use quite a few attributes during their daily sex session.
Claudia (23), together with Remco (27), mother of Raffi (5) and Anne (6 months):
“I got there early. With everything. When I was fourteen I started dating Remco and it was serious from the first moment. Now, nine years later, we are still together. I was also early with children: when I was nineteen I found out I was pregnant with Raffi and I was not yet 22 when we went for a second one. Smart in retrospect, because it took me a while to get pregnant, because I have irregular periods. Two years ago I heard that I will probably enter menopause early. Fortunately, I had two children just in time.
Kinky vs vanilla
I was also ahead of my peers in terms of sex. I had discovered masturbating at a young age and secretly put on porn. Watching a lot of movies, I discovered my fascination for BDSM. Kinky attracted me more than vanilla sex. I like it when things get a little more passionate and wild in bed. Only I didn’t dare to confess that to Remco right away. I had never had sex at all. Then you don’t immediately ask if he wants to give you a good slap on the buttocks or call you a slut on your first time.
Remco and I met when he had a job in the hospitality industry. I sometimes came to get coffee from him and we chatted. He liked me so much that he looked me up on Facebook and sent me a private message: would I like to meet him sometime? Not long after that date, it was on.
After a few straight-forward sex, I carefully gauged Remco’s attitude towards the somewhat rougher work. I suggested that he tie me up or spank me with a whip. When we both found that exciting, I dared to tell more and more what seemed horny and nice to me. So we went on a journey of discovery together.
High libido
You regularly read that couples with young children don’t have time or are too tired for sex, but I can’t imagine that. I myself have a sky-high libido and almost always feel like it. Only during my pregnancies did I not want a polonaise on my body, not even a hug, but a week after giving birth I was already in the mood. The big advantage of small children is that they go to bed early. Then you have the whole evening to yourself. When we put the baby and Raffi to bed at seven o’clock, we go straight to our own bedroom.
We have sex almost every day and always with a gray tint, otherwise I think it’s too boring. Sex to me is more than just ‘the act’, it’s about the whole experience. We use toys such as handcuffs, blindfolds, dildos, vibrators and butt plugs, but also an electro box that gives out small electrical impulses. The combination of pain, humiliation and pleasure makes for much more intense sex for us.
“We have sex almost every day and always with a gray tint, otherwise I find it too boring”
We see BDSM as a deepening of our relationship. You have to be vulnerable on both sides and communicate a lot to make things go well and pleasantly. I surrender completely to Remco and trust him in that. It’s nice when we push the boundaries together and sometimes even push them.
Remco has completely grown into his role as a dominant leader. He orders me to play with myself without orgasming, sucking him or getting on all fours. If I do something ‘wrong’, I will be ‘punished’. At first he was afraid of hurting me. But now he knows what I can take, even though I am regularly covered in bruises. Fortunately only in private places that others do not see, such as on my buttocks or thighs. As long as I don’t have to wear a bikini the next day, it’s fine and I make sure the kids don’t see it either.
Also read – ‘I felt guilty because I love bdsm, but my husband reacted great’ >
Lock on the door
Once, Raffi disturbed us. I was tied to the bed with my hands and feet and we were in the middle of a session when he unexpectedly walked into the room: “Mommy, what are you doing?” Fortunately, we have handcuffs that you can release with a hook. If necessary, this is done in a few seconds.
Raffi was about three years old and still completely sleepy. I said mom and dad were cuddling and quickly put him back in his bed. He hasn’t come back to it. But I think a lock on the door will come in handy now that he’s getting older and more aware. I don’t want him to be shocked if he happens to catch us playing again.
Taboo
There is still quite a taboo on BDSM. As if you have to be mentally unwell if you like pain. I once carefully told something to my sister-in-law. She reacted shocked, asked if we were on track. I guess she thought we were attacking each other with the most horrible props, like you see in porn movies. Tools with needles and hard whipping, until blood. We’re really not like that. We are amateurs, not extremists.
“There is still quite a taboo on BDSM. As if you have to be mentally unwell”
We do like to fantasize about trios and couples’ clubs and sometimes we visit erotic fairs, as we recently did in Mechelen. There we get inspired and buy new toys. Because we experiment a lot, our sex life remains exciting.
We try to really take the time for it at least twice a week and then a lovemaking can last an evening. In addition, we have sex almost every day, but it is never really vanilla. In fact, there is always a beating or a hand placed on my throat. We can no longer do without a little kink in it.”
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