What should you think about if you have children and are getting a divorce?
Contents
1. The house
Who is leaving? Or are you both leaving? That owner-occupied home may have been the only one when you had a double income, but it is often a lot more difficult to afford on your own. Especially when the one who stays has to buy out the one who leaves. Detail: it is not the person with the highest income that must necessarily occupy the home with the highest housing costs. Your monthly income may increase so much with the help of allowances, child and possibly partner alimony, that the housing costs can be borne. Another point: is the person who is leaving entitled to housing benefit? You can save a lot of money in monthly payments. Also not unimportant: is it possible to continue living close to each other, so that the children can easily go back and forth?
2. Mediator or lawyer?
Do you arrange it through a joint mediator, or with separate lawyers? The latter can be a solution if communication with each other is impossible, but it is more expensive – although up to a certain income you are entitled to a subsidized lawyer (a so-called addition), who you request through the Legal Aid Board. With a mediator you often keep the situation much more ‘mellow’, and you come closer to each other more easily. Because: direct communication. The divorce must always be submitted to the court by a lawyer. no worries: arranges the mediator for you.
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3. Timing
When will you tell the kids? The fact that you are now making the decision to get a divorce does not have to mean that you immediately involve the children. Arranging a new home, perhaps a new school, reaching a good visitation arrangement, in short: a little certainty about the new future is quite nice when you tell them the news. Just like the timing, by the way: in the middle of the cito keys is not the perfect moment for everyone.
4. The care
How do you divide the care for the children? According to a co-parenting arrangement where the children live one week with mom and the other with dad, or do they only move every other weekend, or again in the middle of the week? According to the law, children from the age of twelve can participate in decisions, but that is not sacred: a judge can take other interests into account. And how do you divide the holidays and other days off?
Also read:
Handy: app for children with divorced parents >
5. The New Partner
How do you deal with new partners? And of course we mean above all: is it in the interest of your children that your new free-range goes on holiday two months after the divorce and immediately stays overnight every weekend? Or your ex’s – what you probably most want to know? What is good, of course, differs per situation.
Who gets parental authority? Legal term, but something you have to record. Don’t be alarmed: if you both already had parental authority (automatically with a marriage, and otherwise when the father has legally recognized your child), you can both keep it. Not having parental authority means less authority over the children.
7. The alimony
Who pays what? Usually the person with the highest income is liable for alimony. And does one parent pay that to the other, or do you create a so-called children’s account? You can calculate how much child support is reasonable here.
8. Surcharges
Are you entitled to allowances? After the divorce you suddenly have to make do with a single income, but with full expenses. ouch. Fortunately, there are all kinds of allowances, such as health care and housing allowance, in addition to the – income-dependent – child budget.
9. The daily care
How do you approach day-to-day care? Do you go to school meetings together or alone? Or the parent with whom the children are currently staying? And how do you do that with doctor’s appointments, the dentist, the hairdresser?
10. The Parenting Plan
Is it all growing over your head? Since 1 March 2009, all parents who get divorced must draw up a parenting plan. In general, all of the above points are covered. You can make it as extensive or brief as you want, and the good news: the internet is bursting with examples that you can completely customize.
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