‘We haven’t made any progress for years’

Image: Getty Images

They could have lived in an owner-occupied home, but bad luck meant that Rowan and Pieter are now raising their son in a very expensive, too small rental flat, while they are up to their necks in debt.

Rowan (42) lives with Pieter (39) and son Marnix (8): “During our first date, now thirteen years ago, Pieter wanted to call the Girofoon. “I’m not sure I can pin,” he blushed. “Me neither,” I added with a wink. In retrospect a tad shabby, for people who had been working full-time for years. But we were not yet thirty and had no responsibilities, and drank no less wine – even that evening.

I had a huge student debt. A combination of maximum borrowing and a very long study time – that was still possible in those days. My parents had no means to guide my brother and me through our education at their own expense, and certainly no awareness of the impact of borrowing. My father went straight to work as a carpenter after high school, my mother contributed financially as a part-time maternity nurse. Not a fat pot, but there were never any debts.

I wasn’t worried about the prospects for my generation being different. Moreover, that student debt made little difference; When taking out a mortgage, the debt was not taken into account and I was able to pay the monthly repayment just fine. That would only get easier as I worked longer and started earning more.

cover

That’s how it went. When Pieter – not completely debt free himself – and I moved in together, we didn’t feel a penny of pain about our monthly repayments. We booked holidays every year without any problems and when a high-tech new phone came out, we just ordered it.

We bought an apartment, had our son, and when a year after giving birth I was still not as fit as I used to be, I ended up in the medical mill. It was probably hormonal, the doctor said. The biopsies said something else: I had early stage cervical cancer. I was on sick leave for over a year. The chemo made me infertile, the radiation caused irreparable damage to surrounding tissues. I became partially incapacitated for work. There was a benefit in return, but on balance I did contribute 400 euros net per month. I am still limited in what I can do. I don’t have the energy to go out, I prefer to be alone with my family.

house for sale

Now that I was home much of the time, I felt trapped. If I had a little garden to sit in and do some gardening in my hours at home, I’m sure I’d feel a lot better. In addition, Marnix could have his own trampoline there, so I wouldn’t have to feel guilty every time I didn’t have the energy to go to the playground with him. We heard about a new construction project in the area, with relatively affordable owner-occupied houses. Coincidentally, our neighbors with a smaller apartment had been preying on ours for some time. All the houses were under water at that time, which they offered the purchase price seemed like a lottery ticket. So we agreed. If only we had known then where the housing market is now.

We signed up for the new-build project, and meanwhile rented a flat in the free sector with some tricks – we were not eligible for social rent with our incomes. It was disproportionately expensive and one room short, but it would only be temporary. Marnix slept in our room – we thought it was cozy too. But then suddenly the rules of the game changed. A student loan did now count towards a mortgage application. And without our own money in combination with some outstanding credit cards and a revolving credit for a car, our entire owner-occupied house disappeared from the job.

Also read – Living in debt on the money: ‘My husband kept throwing money’ >

New purchases

Pieter can afford the costs for our flat, 1,300 euros per month, on his own, but that leaves little room for major extras. And that’s how we haven’t gotten out of debt for years. To help us, my parents decided three years ago to make a maximum donation. They deposited $6,000 and promised to repeat it as soon as they could afford it again. Three more times that kind of donation and a little frugal living, and we’d be rid of everything in five years, we realize now.

But we didn’t think that way then. With an amount of more than three figures in our account, we felt so light and carefree for a while. And so one evening we ordered two smartwatches and a game console for Marnix. The fact that I was in bed so often deserved little consolation, Pieter thought, so a new TV was immediately installed. With the money we had left we paid off amounts on our credit cards. We proudly shared the latter with my parents, we kept our mouths shut about the purchases.

We enjoyed our stuff for a while. But of course, in the back of our minds—especially mine—a little voice shouted, “Is this wise? And that dream house? That way you will never get out of debt.’ But a person needs bright spots, said Pieter. And after years full of setbacks, we saw it again. Until our car – once paid for from a revolving credit – gave up the ghost. We had no money, just a repaid credit card. And so a small, used city car almost ransacked it again. We were almost back to square one.

life lesson

I have been clean for three years now, but I will never be quite the same again. The residual debt from my studies is manageable now and will hopefully be gone in two years’ time, but without the prospect of a full-time job, that study feels like a bad investment. Nonsense of course, because spiritual enrichment is never thrown away. And what difference does a house for sale make? We don’t live in real poverty, we just live in a small house. But we can manage without debt restructuring.

My benefit is largely spent on repayments, about 450 euros per month. It’s a house of cards; if the washing machine breaks down, we have no room to replace it. And I pray that Marnix doesn’t need braces, because we no longer have additional health insurance for cost reasons. Not that Marnix gets anything from our troubles. It doesn’t matter to him whether we camp at a farm campsite in Zeeland or go on holiday to France: a holiday is a holiday.

We are also doing everything we can to contribute to his education later on, so that he does not have the same experience as me. My parents have been depositing 200 euros per year into a special account for this since he was born; once a hundred for his birthday, and once a hundred for Christmas. So that’s a good three and a half thousand euros when he’s eighteen. I have been saving a tenner a month in addition to that for a year. This will pay for an MBO education, half of an HBO education, the rest he will have to supplement with a side job. We are healthy and happy, that’s what matters. Hopefully that is the life lesson Marnix will learn from his youth.”

This article can be found in Kek Mama 07-2021. For privacy reasons, the names in this piece have been changed.

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