‘The babysitter kisses our children on the mouth and I find that very uncomfortable’
I often know things for sure when it comes to motherhood. But with some issues I like to ask other mothers for help. For example by kissing your child on the mouth.
My husband and I don’t kiss our kids on the mouth.
To be honest, I even think it’s a bit strange when I see mothers or fathers doing it, but hey, everyone should know for themselves. This has never been a point of discussion for us, we don’t kiss our parents on the mouth. We grew up with cheek kisses and we are fine with that: I save a mouth kiss for my husband.
But now comes the dilemma I have: I sometimes see that the nanny does kiss my three-year-old boys on the mouth. When she comes in, when she leaves, when they are nice. She often kisses them. Of course very innocent, of course sweet-meaning and cute. But because we don’t do it ourselves, it still feels a bit uncomfortable that the babysitter does. I’m not sure if I should say anything about it.
It is not recommended by experts
I do understand that it is not dirty or weird. I fully understand that there are many parents who kiss their children on the mouth and that it is a sign of love. Still, I once looked into it when my twins were just born. I could eat those mouths, I thought they were so cute. And I prefer to sometimes still take a bite out of their lips, earlobes, noses and toes. They’re just your own sweetheart bolts that you’d rather just be glued to. But I read that child psychologists (which I am myself, by the way) recommend kissing children on the cheek. Because: from what age does it become uncomfortable for a child? What if sexual development begins? “The mouth is an erogenous zone that can be stimulated,” says British child psychologist Charlotte Reznick. ‘Kissing a child on the mouth is an act that tends towards sexuality’. She thinks that children associate a kiss on the mouth with a sexual or romantic act between their parents. “Children get confused about the meaning of a kiss from their father or mother on the mouth,” she claims.
Parents who kiss their children on the mouth are also a completely different category than a babysitter who only sees my children once in a while. It can’t hurt, so maybe I’ll leave it alone. On the other hand, she comes to babysit our family and should then follow our values, right? Motherhood: often you know a lot for sure, and sometimes you face interesting dilemmas.
Tessa Heinhuis (32) is editor-in-chief of Mama Magazine. She lives in Bussum with her husband Billy and their twins, Bodi and Daaf (3).
