‘Suddenly I was kissing a woman, while my husband let us go’

Charlie (34), married to Jaap (40), two children aged 4 and 2.5.

“When the children take a nap on Saturday or watch movies in bed, my husband Jaap and I always retreat to the bedroom. If they leave at seven o’clock in the evening, we do the same fifteen minutes later. Jaap and I have a different sleeping rhythm, never go to bed at the same time and consciously plan our moments together. That way we are never too tired for sex.

Sometimes I have trouble with the transformation from mother and wife to mistresses, but then I take a quarter of an hour for myself. Blow off the day, put on a nice lingerie set and brush my teeth. Then I call Jaap to me and the sentence usually comes naturally.

In love

Jaap and I keep our sex life exciting by sharing fantasies and varying positions and places. In the summer we like to have sex outside in the garden on our lounge sofas under the canopy or in the tent at the campsite. Twice a year the children stay for a weekend with grandparents and then Jaap and I book a sauna with overnight stay, for extra quality time. It is in the best interest of our children that we remain a nice couple, because when we are good together, we are much nicer and relaxed parents.

Jack and I have been together for eight years. Except for a lesser period during pregnancies because of pelvic floor complaints, we have always had a lot of sex. Twice a week was a normal figure. Since I fell in love with a woman this summer, that average has skyrocketed. Certainly at that time we shot to six or seven times a week. Before I got into a relationship with Jaap I had already had a few sexual experiences with a woman.

I don’t really call myself bi, but I do like women’s bodies. Jaap and I had already talked about a woman once. A threesome or a lovemaking while he was allowed to watch. We mainly used it as a fantasy. Even before corona, a visit to a swingers club was high on the wish list and we were open to what would arise spontaneously.

Trio

But then we met Karen last summer. Soon we got to talking and I felt a certain, strange attraction. On a second meeting at our house and some wine, we suddenly talked about dating and kissing a woman. A big wish of hers, she confessed. I fell in love with Karen. The third time we saw each other, we were suddenly kissing. While Jaap stayed downstairs, Karen and I went upstairs together, where we made love in bed. We stroked, kissed and licked each other. Jack thought it was fantastic. He came to bring us a drink and let us go.

Karen stayed the night and the next morning we set up the kids for a Disney movie and the three of us moved into our bedroom. At first she would just watch as Jaap and I sexted, but a little later she joined in. That time only oral. Karen and he didn’t go all the wayI was too jealous for that. But being together with the three of us was very exciting. Jaap enjoyed it almost even more than I did. Unlike me, he didn’t suffer from jealousy, he liked to see me so happy. He saw me glow all day long. One night he even encouraged me to go see Karen. He took care of the children, so that I had all the time.

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Summer love

We decided to invite Karen and her daughter on vacation. We had booked a bungalow and there was one room left. It turned out to be two wonderful, horny weeks in which I finally allowed Jaap and Karen to fuck each other, although I still found it difficult. I have shed a lot of tears because I was literally afraid that Jaap would leave me because of her. But I also knew it would be unfair to begrudge him something that he thought was okay the other way around.

Jaap and I often talked about all the feelings that arose. It brought us closer together. For Jaap it felt like a mission from now on to convince me even more of his love and to prove even more that he would never leave me. The experience with Karen gave a boost to our sex life. Wonderful to fantasize about what I had done with her alone or us as a trio. We went to bed together almost every day.

But after three months of enjoying this summer love, my world came crashing down when Karen called to say she’d fallen in love with a man—and he didn’t like this triage. So choosing him meant breaking up with me and Jaap. Even staying friends with me alone was not an option. I was devastated. I really suffered from heartbreak for weeks. Fortunately, I had a lot of support from Jaap.

polyamory

Our friendship-plus with Karen has sparked our interest in polyamory; the way of life in which you can have multiple love relationships at the same time. Jaap has listened to a number of podcasts about it and watched many films and books and discovered how beautiful it can be to have a partner as a couple.

I still find it complicated, because I’m quite jealous and another woman in our relationship also seems quite complicated to me. At the same time, I would have loved to have tried this with Karen. Jaap and I want to carefully enter the path and discover what is possible. If we’ve learned anything from this summer, it’s that together we can conquer anything.”

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