Sponsored – Losing your partner at a younger age: this is how you get some air in your grieving process

When you are young, you and your love are in the middle of life. Busy with your future, career, pregnancy or children, buying a house. But if you you partner in crime suddenly loses, suddenly all those great expectations come to an end. In addition, if you have a child, you are now a single mother. So a lot on your plate. Bereavement after the loss of a partner is an active process. By taking the right steps you can ease the suffering.

How do you start?
Mourning is personal, find out what you need yourself. Doing nothing for a while is fine, but eventually you will have to pick up life again. Especially if you have a child.
Work in steps. This can be done very gradually by first doing some shopping in public and then going back to work, for example. It won’t feel good at first, but eventually it will be nice(r) to ‘live’ life again.

Ask for practical help
Children in your family help you to give you regularity and distraction. But of course they also grieve. That can also cause tension. Do you notice that sometimes it gets too much for you? Call in a babysitter, dear neighbor or other mother and feel free to ask for something extra me time. This way you can recharge and your children can play in a different loving environment. Nothing wrong with it.

Attention and relaxation
Relaxation is also very important, find a form that suits you. That could be a simple afternoon nap (don’t feel guilty about that at all), going to the cinema with friends or going for a bike ride. Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently and you decide what you need. Take care of yourself with healthy food, exercise and rest. Of course it eats loads of energy and you also have to stand upright for your child.

Dealing with grief
It is important to pay attention to your feelings. Research among Kek Mama readers shows that more than half (51%) mourn pops up out of nowhere. So looking for distraction is not wrong, but grieving also needs attention. So don’t put it away, to avoid getting stuck in it. All emotions are allowed; sadness, but also anger, guilt and relief. It may help to seek distraction, but don’t run away. Try to find the balance. And if necessary, opt for professional help in the form of grief therapy, for example.

Your environment
People around you want to help you with your partner’s grief process, but they are still busy with life, everything goes on for them. They will try to understand you, but they are also busy with their own lives. You may lose friends because of this, but you may also find new friends, because relationships change due to such an event. Blogs (such as from @widowchicks and @mariekevanlierop) and contact with fellow sufferers can help you discuss and therefore process similar events.

Funeral and bereavement
Have you ever thought about a funeral insurance policy? At Monuta you can take out funeral insurance at a competitive premium. And when it is necessary, as a funeral director, they provide a personal farewell, which you can look back on with a good feeling. But AFTER the funeral there are also many things that need to be arranged. Especially if you’re on your own as a parent. Monuta is also there for you after the funeral. They are happy to give you tips and practical information. A nice thought.

Marieke lost her lover and so much more. In collaboration with Monuta, she shares her story:

‘Bizarre and confrontational how the world goes on without him’
‘I take a deep breath and open one of the boxes. I’m moving. I leave the house where I lived with S. for years. The nice house where I continued to live after his death. The place where I was forced to try to reshape my life, around the lack and loss. Where I put new lines on a new, blank drawing sheet by trial and error, because the drawing I had colored with S. for 10 years suddenly ceased to exist. Just before I turn 30, I leave for another village to move in with J.: my second great love.

Behind this knee shot are S’s things. Never before have I seen a reason to go through it. Head in the sand? Who knows. It is frustrating: why do I let digging through these things come together with the reason for moving? Couldn’t I have gone through this stuff sooner? As if living with J. gives the impression that I no longer attach any value to S.’s things? It’s anything but that! J. says understandingly: “You don’t have to get rid of anything, do you. Even if you take everything with you! Also fine.” But yes, moving everything blindly doesn’t feel good either. My motto: “don’t go around it, go through it” is more relevant than ever. Get started.”

Do you want to know how Marieke gets through this and how this also gives some relief? Then read here further.

This article is a collaboration with Monuta.