“Should I allow my children to call their stepfather Papa?”
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Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. Every Tuesday a reader therefore tells about her dilemma.
Larissa (32) is mother of Bram (5) and Sophie (3).
“It was never my dream to be a single mother. The fact that the father of my children decided twice during their pregnancies that fatherhood was not a good fit for him after all, is something I unfortunately had no influence on. And maybe it’s a blessing, because for two years now I’ve been in a relationship with a man who sees my children as his own and maybe loves them as much as I do.
Also read: ‘My father is not my real father, but nobody knows – not even my own husband’ >
Daddy
My children’s biological father is out of the picture. That is his own choice, but I will tell Bram and Sophie about him. They have a right to know who their real father is.
Yet they call my friend “daddy”. Something they came up with themselves, and which initially made me feel a bit uncomfortable. My friend is not their daddy, that word is only reserved for their father.
But my friend finds his newly acquired title more than flattering. And if I’m honest, he’s the only one who lives up to the award. Telling my kids not to say “daddy” to him feels like I’m limiting them in their love for their stepfather, and that’s the last thing I want. When I calmly explain that someone else is already their real daddy, Bram says: “I know that”, and continues to use the title casually.
Confusing
People around us sometimes frown when they hear my children talking. Everyone knows how the fork is in the stem. At the same time, I’m happy that my children have a man in their lives who really feels like daddy. I don’t want to wrong the biological father of my children, even if he has chosen not to be a part of his children’s lives. But more importantly, isn’t it confusing for my kids to have two men in their lives who are their daddy?”
More episodes of the dilemma? Every Tuesday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous dilemmas here.
