Sanne Smeets lost her son (5): ‘We call his name every day’

Image: @onsgezinvanhierendaar

In On the stage every other week let’s talk about motherhood with an influencer. This time we speak to Sanne Smeets, mother of Javaj, James and Jolie. Her son Javaj died when he was almost six years old.

Introduce

• Sanne Smeets (32)
• Relationship: married to Pim
• Children: Javaj*, James (5) and Jolie (0)
• Instagram: @onsgezinvanhierendaar
• Number of followers: 17,400

You are a momfluencer: how did that come about?

“In August 2020 my oldest son passed away. A lot of attention has been paid to this by somewhat larger influencers. So more and more people came to me to follow our story, and they have stuck. I’ve always used Instagram as a diary. I share not only the positive but also the negative. Nothing has changed after Javaj’s death, the number of followers is only increasing.”

You shared a lot about your children before Javaj’s death. Did you immediately decide to share this great sadness?

“Yes. I haven’t thought about that. I’m not a talker, but I always write everything off of me. Social media is the best platform for me to express myself. I also want to share my story to get in touch with fellow sufferers.”

What is your main purpose for sharing your story?

“I do it purely for myself: so that I can tell my story. Everything that has arisen around it is of course a nice bonus. Fortunately, there are not a lot of fellow sufferers, but if they are, we easily get in touch. Especially for people who recently lost a child, it is nice to see that you can come out stronger. And that you can pick up your life again after this loss.”

How do you ensure that Javaj remains part of your daily life?

“That is automatic. Our house is full of pictures of the kids, so we see him every day. We call his name every day. Javaj is part of our family and maybe even the main part at the moment.”

Also read: Kelly Beukers: ‘Our twins were born after 26 weeks – they weighed less than a kilo’

Is it difficult that James will soon be older than Javaj was when he died?

“Our middle son James will soon be tapping the age at which our oldest died, I don’t think that is difficult but very beautiful. There is a lot of recognition in his character and the things he does. We will soon see new things that we have never seen at Javaj. We will then naturally wonder whether Javaj would have done things in the same way. We will be comparing a lot.”

What characterizes you as a mother?

“The freedom in emotions. Our children are allowed to show all emotions and can always come to me with that. I am a very open mother: no subject is too crazy for me. I also notice that our son James comes to me when he is sad, then we talk about it together. He doesn’t stop it.”

What do you like best about motherhood?

“The love you receive. When James sits on my lap, touches me or spontaneously gives me a hug, I think: this unconditional love will never go away. I think that’s the best feeling.”

Have you ever been bothered by nasty comments online?

“Barely, thankfully. I notice that many other mothers suffer from negative reactions, but with me they can be counted on one hand. I recently posted a video of James opening a birthday present. Someone replied that ‘Mom and Dad were busy with their phones’. Fortunately, I can easily get rid of that: parents used to take pictures at such moments. I can still remember a nasty comment. A follower didn’t think it was necessary for me to post photos of the funeral and a photo of Javaj after he passed away. I responded nicely that I feel good about that and that this is what I want. She can block or unfollow me if she doesn’t want to see it…”

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