Patricia: ‘It’s so easy to fall into the trap of patriarchy’
Patricia van Liemt is a radio presenter, writer and mother of Maria (12) and Phaedra (9). Every Friday she writes striking, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.
The patriarchy can sometimes feel like an icy dick on your neck. And let’s face it, no one likes a cold dick. You can also compare it to a cold leaking water bottle that slowly drips into your blouse. It is an invisible force that forces us to behave in a certain way and to conform to the norms imposed by society.
Uncomfortable
It was the reason for me to feel super uncomfortable again this morning when, during my youngest daughter’s class morning, the teacher asked which parents wanted to fight outside – like the Vikings did, because that was the theme… (What the hell!)
“The patriarchy can sometimes feel like an icy dick on your neck.”
Oh and I think these kind of mornings are super double anyway. On the one hand I really enjoy seeing how my little monkey is doing in class, on the other hand I think it’s great awkward. That has everything to do with me. I just feel all the awkwardness of the parents among themselves. And of course there are a few parents with whom you are fine vibed, but most of them are very far from me. And I really don’t mean that in a bad way, but I’ve only had one cup of coffee at that moment…
Fighting in the schoolyard
Well, I also happened to be wearing a very uncomfortable pencil skirt that morning. One that I hadn’t worn in at least three years and, moreover, belonged to my late mother. So slightly sentimental with just one shot of caffeine, I sat on a highchair in the middle of all the other parents. In terms of clothing, I was already 1-0 behind the teacher’s question, because you don’t get it more traditional and feminine. Perhaps it was to be expected, but there was not one dad in a skirt or heels. And then there is out of the fucking blue asked if I want to fight in the schoolyard? If only my kids went to school with Sam Smith!
Predominant y chromosome
Anyways two fathers were selected. The rest of the parents and children stood around, booing, motivating these two people—with a dominant Y chromosome—to fight each other. At that point I really need a big fat Band-Aid for my bleeding feminist heart. And that on a random Friday morning. Phew.
My point is, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of patriarchy without even realizing it. We are asked to behave in a certain way, in order to conform to society’s norms. For God’s sake, let’s knock that icy dick off our necks.
And who knows, one day we will have a nice mixed fight with other mothers and other fathers in the schoolyard. That would be nice…
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