‘If my children are cheeky, I can take their phones away for a week’

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Kate* (39), mother of Leonore (11) and Lily (9):

“With our own company for which my husband and I are busy six days a week and not very patient myself, I have little time for dramas and discussions. That means I like an old-fashioned no-nonsense upbringing, like I had myself.

‘Because I say so’ is enough, I don’t think I owe an explanation to a toddler or adolescent about why I think eight o’clock is a reasonable child’s bedtime.

No nonsense education

In the eyes of some, our approach appears somewhat authoritarian. Especially compared to what I see around me. Where parents engage in endless conversations about bed and screen times and children seem to be raised without discipline and boundaries.

“I’m allergic to ‘yes but’ and a big mouth”

I’m allergic to “yes but” and a big mouth. When I ask for something, I expect Lily and Leonore to get it done right away. ‘We’re going to eat’ means now, and not after another game on the iPad or a backflip on the trampoline. If they are rude, I can take their phones away for a week.

I also expect them to lend a hand where necessary. Leonore clears the table, Lily unloads the dishwasher and they walk the dog. The girls have to keep their own rooms clean – no matter how small, they can all vacuum and tidy up.

Also read – ‘Chasing my child’s ass? He must learn to tidy up and clean himself’ >

Thank you

Leonore and Lily call us mom and dad and say you. They say that to every adult, so certainly also to us and grandpa and grandma, who live next door to us. They introduce themselves nicely to strange people who come to visit us and they shake hands. They thank for playing, eating and staying when they have been with a friend. Something I also expect the other way around, but unfortunately rarely experience.

Most of our daughters’ friends say “bye” at most after a play date, but are not prompted to do so by their parents. When my children say thank you sweetly, it is quickly shouted that they don’t have to. Yes, from me! I am amazed at the freedom that others give their children, I think what we do is more a matter of good decency than of a very strict upbringing.

“People around me think we are strict”

Yet I do hear that back from people around me. They think we’re strict. But for my husband Jan-Peter and me, this is just the way we think we will have nice, polite children who will soon be able to be full members of society and eventually take over and manage our company.

Backguard

Jan-Peter and I own a number of fashion stores, our days are long. My parents act as backup. I take Lily to school, they pick her up and catch Leonore. My mother cooks, we join at half past six and then take the girls to our own house. But it also happens that grandma puts the girls to bed, because we still have to visit wholesalers or shops or have discussions with suppliers and relations.

Still, I don’t think they lack anything. The girls are doing great at school, have lots of girlfriends and love each other. Being strict and consistent also has nothing to do with being unloving. On Sundays we really are a family. Then we don’t meet anyone, the work phones go silent, we cook tasty snacks and we play games and cuddle with each other.

*Kate’s name has been changed upon request.

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