‘I now work less than I would without children’

Danique Bossers is the founder and director of fashion brand Most Wanted. She and her fiancé Pieter have two children: Marley and Teddy.

She tells what it’s like for her to combine work with motherhood.

How did you come across Most Wanted? What does the brand stand for?

Fashion has been spoon-fed to me from an early age. My parents both worked in the industry and I often went with them too, I loved that! I found the Modefabriek and the World Fashion Center especially impressive. I thought: I have to do something with this, but I was still much too young to really take a step. When I was 19 it started to tickle so much that I really wanted to continue. I started! Together with a friend, with 100 euros to buy the first pieces. It was an instant success; we sold out the entire stock and started buying again the next day with double the amount. This is how we continued together for a year, until she decided to stop and I decided to continue. I opened a brick-and-mortar store and continued to invest everything back in the next few years, which allowed us to grow very quickly. Fast forward 10 years later here we are. I still get the creeps when I think about the beginning, that’s still the basis: passion for fun, beautiful, must-have items that make you feel beautiful!

And then you became the mother of your first son. What was it like to combine with your own company?

Not really at first, I thought: ‘I’m never going to be able to work (that much) again!’ At the same time, within a week I was already sitting with my laptop (and baby) on my lap. The first time I found it very difficult to be away from him and from home a lot, did not work outside the house more than necessary and was at his house as much as possible. After 5 months I did set myself an ultimatum: from 1 January I simply ‘had’ to work at my own office for at least 3 days. I didn’t have to think about traveling for work at all, so I didn’t do that the first year either. Still, I was able to let it go better and after more than a year I felt a bit more like my ‘old self’, and then I got pregnant haha. The second time with Teddy I found it much ‘easier’ to get back to work as you have already gone through it with your child for a first time by having someone else bottle feed, arrange babysitting etc .

I think it’s even more difficult to combine with a second one. You hear so often: ‘oh you add the second one!’. Well, I don’t feel that way. A second is just literally double the time, because I want to give as much one-on-one time and attention to him as I have given and give to Marley.

I still find it terribly difficult to work and deal with momguilt at all. I really love my work so much and I really blossom when we’re working on the new collection or a cool project. But still I always have a gnawing feeling. I often jokingly say to Pieter (my fiancée and father of the kids): ‘It would be so much easier if I were the father with my position’. We often talk about it together, and he really doesn’t suffer from guilt at all. What is it with women!? I’d rather split myself in two.

I still consciously ‘limit’ myself because of that. I now work less than I would without children and the consequence is that we cannot tackle everything and may not grow as fast as we would if I were there full force 100%. But I’m at peace with that, at least 90% of the time, that it’s part of this phase and that those sweet little heads are what really matters in life.

What do you find difficult about being a mother and wanting a career?

So I find it especially difficult that I have to choose my feeling all the time. Since I am my own boss, there is no one to answer to. It’s not like I have to clock in and out at the office, I can set my own times. That’s why it automatically feels when I choose to work, that I choose not to be with my children. I think that’s a really bad feeling. I always saw myself as a stay-at-home mom, who bakes cookies and keeps the house in order. I’m finding out more and more that I’m not really that kind of woman at all and that Most Wanted is also my ‘child’ and that I’m very ambitious and like to work. My phone is ringing all day, even when I’m home with the kids. Of course I try to ignore it as much as possible, but it still goes on in my head 24/7. As a result, I can’t always enjoy motherhood to the fullest. What I do enjoy is going on holiday together. Then it seems like I can put all worries and responsibilities away from me as soon as the plane takes off and I am that sweet, patient and 100% present mother. We also have a housekeeper 4 days a week, so I can spend 100% quality time with them every second I’m home and the kids are awake. Those are the advantages that hard work and always being ‘on’ bring along and give us a good balance in that way.

How did the arrival of your second son change in terms of work and private life? And what is the role of your partner at home, do you divide things 50/50?

As far as work is concerned, I have (still) started scaling down a bit and being a bit more present at home. The same goes for Pieter, and I’m really lucky with him. We split it 50/50 and if I’m being honest I even think he secretly does even more in terms of household chores. He loves to cook and cleans up really well and quickly, haha. I do more of the practical things, such as taking care of the clothes, shopping, making sure there are drinking bottles, pacifiers, etc. in the house. The weekly schedules in terms of babysitting, when the hairdresser comes. Fun outings together, that sort of thing.

What is your biggest challenge as a mother?

I guess I’ll deal with the guilt then. I already have that if I do something ‘for myself’ for even 15 minutes, such as sports or work. That’s why I think it’s never good enough for my feeling towards myself.

What are your further career dreams?

Still a lot! The focus is mainly on exponential growth of Most Wanted, we are working on so many cool projects and plans. In addition, I always see opportunities and I like it a lot, so I certainly don’t rule out doing something else in the future, such as another line within MW. To be continued

What do you advise other mothers who want to start their own business?

Just do it! And at the same time: just don’t do it if this doesn’t feel like the right time. I can imagine motherhood completely swallowing you up. It’s okay! I now also very consciously enjoy the children as much as possible as long as they are so small and then think: those loud bangs will come again when they are at school.

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