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‘I get the jitters of mother groups, but I don’t dare to stay away’

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Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. So every week a reader talks about her dilemma.

Didem (29) is married to Bartu (30) and mother of Sami (4) and Nina (9 months).

“Since I became a mother, I suffer horribly from fomo: fear of missing out. Not because I hardly go out anymore, and usually go to bed at ten o’clock in the evening. I’m afraid I fall outside the mother groups. And that while I don’t want to belong at all.


I have plenty of girlfriends, and on my days off I’m happy if I manage to find a moment for myself. Weekly coffee mornings and play afternoons are organized in group apps of the school and the neighbours, who also all have young children – the latter often resulting in drinks where all the gossip from the neighborhood and from the schoolyard fly over the table. It gives me the creeps, and usually keeps a low profile. But at the same time I’m afraid of being left out because of it. Quite contradictory feelings, isn’t it?

Read also – ‘The group apps are on silent, but that makes me always the sjaak’ >

Mother groups

When I meet mothers from those groups I always have a chat, and Sami plays with some of their children. But when they invite me to come and have coffee on our free Friday, it blows my mind. Once in a while I say yes, only to come home completely exhausted.

“Far from staying away, my feeling says, but I don’t want to be a pariah”

I always feel like everyone is judging each other on her motherhood, or gossiping as soon as someone leaves the meeting again. So far from staying away, my feeling says, but I don’t want to be a pariah. It’s like high school again. How do I find a good way through this?”

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