‘I created a party scene at home for my dream birth’
image: Mark Groeneveld
During her second pregnancy, actress Kimberley Klaver noticed how nice it is to slow down and think more about herself. And that still pleases. “I definitely want to stay more selfish.”
“Sorry I’m late!” Kimberley Klaver shouts when she invades the Amsterdam rooftop bar Mr Porter. “I was really perfectly on schedule, until…” Until things went differently, I supplement her, because yes, that’s how it goes with children.
Kimberley laughs: “It’s so nice that you never have to explain anything to people with children – you suddenly understand each other without words. I thought I understood everything about motherhood just fine when my friend Lauren [Verster, red.] already had a child and I haven’t yet. But since I became a mother myself, our friendship has deepened even more. We now do a lot with the children, but we also dream of raving and partying together again soon!”
debut novel
Speaking of which, this bar hosted the celebratory launch of Kimberley’s debut novel a few days earlier Southern mothers don’t break, about the mother mafia in Amsterdam South. “It was my first real outing after corona, my pregnancy and childbirth. Finally I could show everyone what I was doing all this time. I’m still totally on a high.”
A place where she roams anyway, because at the time of our meeting Kim gave birth to son Dani only six weeks ago. “Luckily, he’s a laid-back baby. I wake up about three or four times a night to feed him, but it is manageable. I get hours of sleep everywhere. I also try to go to bed after the last evening bottle. A bit boring, so sometimes I give in to a movie on the couch with Michel, for which I pay the price a day later.”
Come and enjoy
With toddler Julius, Michel’s children from a previous relationship (aged 10, 7 and 6) and the completion of her book, Kim’s maternity period was quite hectic to say the least. To recover, she will soon be leaving for Ibiza for a month with both children – without Michel, because he stays at home with his school-age children.
“He will definitely come visit us, but in principle I’m alone with Julius and Dani. The nanny comes along so I can work occasionally and go to swimming lessons with Julius every morning.” Kim is really looking forward to that quality time with her toddler. “I had little time for him the last few months. I am a mother who likes to play with him, act crazy, frolic. At first I couldn’t because I was heavily pregnant and now Dani is always lying on my chest. Wait a minute, not now, maybe later… Julius gets along well, because of his half brothers and sister he is used to sharing me. But I hate to hear myself say no so often.”
“I hate to hear myself say no so often”
In addition, she continuously hears from people that she should enjoy this time, because it will not come back. “Help! I want to plan my time with Julius as consciously as possible by making time every now and then for a special experience. Like that swimming course in Ibiza, every morning our moment, with an ice cream or a juice. I’m really looking forward to that.”
Slowing down
As a result of motherhood, Kim is (even) more conscious of her time, so she chose to take extra long leave for the delivery. “Julius came at 35 weeks, so with that in mind I wanted to take enough time to take it easy, go for a nice walk with Julius, with coffee and chocolate on the terrace.”
An additional reason for this was a pretty tough first trimester in which Kim was very tired and nauseous. “I was three weeks pregnant when we went on summer vacation with friends and all the kids. It was hot and busy, but I didn’t want to show anything because nobody knew about my pregnancy. So I ‘just’ went paragliding with my bonus sons and in the evening I sat there exhausted while everyone was drinking a nice glass of wine. I didn’t want to give up.”
She came back from that later in the trimester. “I didn’t exactly become a nicer person from those hormones, especially against Michel. Until I thought: I don’t want to be this person, I have to slow down. It was precisely this fatigue that helped me choose for myself. During Julius’ pregnancy I ‘had’ to go to that birthday or that party because I wanted to be a nice woman. Now I decided to do it differently: I wanted to invest in myself and also in my patience towards my husband and loved ones. Immediately I took more rest, started reading, meditating, and created time for myself.”
Go with the flow
According to Kim, the fact that Dani is now going along with the flow is because she was consciously working on the child and pregnancy in the third trimester. “My own relaxation ensured that Dani already had a different, calmer energy in the stomach than Julius. He actually ‘was’ there for a bit. The transition to the moment he was really born went quite smoothly, both mentally and physically.”
Also read – Kimberley Klaver about her birth plan: ‘I want to dance and meditate, without pain relief’ >
It was Dani’s half-brothers eager to speed things up at 39 weeks and six days. “Michel and I wanted his children to be at birth, but as they left for their mother a day later, they became impatient. It started two hours after their pleadings. It was Saturday night, we were all watching James Bond and while everyone was eating popcorn, I was sitting on a skippy ball taking contractions and explaining what was happening to me.
“Serene music, candlelight, everyone together, it was really a dream birth”
When the contractions became more intense, the two youngest went to bed. Michel pumped up the bath, I put on feel-good music and lit candles, creating my own party scene. I danced through the contractions with Michel’s oldest son – the ultimate way to produce the happiness hormone endorphins. I made a party of it. Until I turned completely inside myself. With the pressing I had to give everything, the fact that I felt Dani’s head myself gave unprecedented motivation. Julius slept through everything, but Michel’s children awoke to the sound and waited patiently in the hallway. When Dani lay on my chest for just a second, they were allowed in. It was such a special moment, with serene music, candlelight, everyone together, it was really a dream birth.”
Composite family
And so the blended family slowly expands. The wish for a second one was already there immediately after the birth of Julius, Kim laughs. “I knew immediately that I wanted to be pregnant again; having a child is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. But we were also happy to grant Julius a brother or sister who stays when the others visit their mother every other week. Because every week I see Julius thinking: where are they now? I miss them even when they are not there. I may not be their mother, but they were the first children in my life. By the way, I don’t interfere with their upbringing, like school choice or other big things, that’s something between father and mother. I’m only here for advice. We really are a family and it all comes very naturally.”
At most, it is outsiders who say nasty things about the family, explains Kim. “Apparently some people like to have an ‘opinion’ about blended families,” referring to the gossip Kim has faced in the past. “All made up. gossip. Online bullshit. But it did hurt. Of course I am not made of stone.”
“That gossip hurt, of course I’m not made of stone”
She no longer cares about it. “Michel and I are now two kids and a marriage later, people can still moan about it, but we followed our hearts and are very happy. I just don’t care anymore† I think it’s important that my family, my relatives, in-laws, my friends think I’m a nice and good person. And I can cling to my hands with two healthy children, then I’m not going to put energy into Pietje Puk, who necessarily wants to say something bad about me? Let go, everyone should, fuck all those prejudices – that’s what my book is about. Really, that attitude is very liberating.”
The whole interview is in Kek Mama 06-2022.
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