“Does marriage bring out the very best in us?”

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of Maria (12) and Phaedra (9). Every Friday she writes accurate, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.

Four days a week I am ‘only’ responsible for the children. My husband lives abroad. So I mainly wield the imaginary scepter of education and except for a few days a month – PMS overload – we have a fairly ‘normal’ household.

And yet, when he comes home after four days of absence, everyone has to get used to it again. Who has which role? And what has to happen in those three days of quality time? The glass and paper bin has to be emptied, there has to be coaching on the hockey field and ideally there is sex. Do you feel that pressure?!

Running household alone

Although we as a family have a kind of reset every week, I like it when he is back. Mainly because of the simple fact that things are moved (think plates to the dishwasher) without me having to do anything. When I put the kids to bed on my own during the week, the dishes are still exactly as I left them.

I often think of my single girlfriend who ALWAYS has to do this alone. She always only has to go through the messages about upcoming school trips, she is always responsible for a meal in the morning, afternoon and evening, she always has to fill the snack and lunch box (and make up!), always arrange the insurance, scheduling dentist appointments, buying birthday gifts for boyfriends, keeping up with the hockey schedule and so on.

Also read – ‘I work and my husband is at home full-time, because he hates work’ >

Single parents

Very occasionally I think I feel a glimpse of what it’s like to be a single parent and it seems horribly heavy to me. This column is therefore a shout out to all single parents out there!

But I also think that a partnership is not necessarily ideal. That sometimes in a marriage we become too co-independent of each other. I certainly hope for a happily ever after, but honesty compels me to say that sometimes I only feel stronger during the week. And I know it’s easy for me to say because my husband does come home on the weekends, but I still sometimes doubt whether marriage really brings out the very best in us…

Would you rather listen to Patricia’s columns? You can do that below, on Spotify.

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