Child and career in polygamous marriages
Four mothers and three children – how does everyday life work while everyone is doing their job? With fixed structures and a family calendar, as the example of a family from Germany shows.
Together they master family life and their own careers – and there are four of them. Elena, Lara, Julia and Viviane live together with their three children in an apartment in the Rhein-Neckar district. “We moved in together on April 1, 2021, and that wasn’t an April Fool’s joke,” Lara says jokingly. She is married to Elena, the two of them come from Saarland.
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Home office support supported the move
In addition to her family and friends, Lara also has her employer there; she works in project management in the IT area. Elena runs her studio in her old home as a freelance photographer. “Elena usually goes three to four days a week, I go one or two,” says Lara. The home office makes it possible for her to work at her new place of residence in the other federal state and take care of the children at the same time.
The three children come from the marriage of Julia and Viviane. “Julia is the belly mom, we say that because she had the first two children, I carried the little one,” explains Viviane. Back when the two became parents, they did not yet know Elena and Lara. “We got to know each other on a friendly basis, it turned out to be fun and finally serious,” Lara sums up.
Out of this “seriousness” a family emerged that persuaded Lara and Elena to move. “We wanted the children to stay in their familiar surroundings,” says Lara. The three of them get along well with their four mothers, and there are no stupid sayings at school or in kindergarten. “We were already worried about that,” says Elena. Together they had talked to the school child about it, including whether something was different now than it was before. “It was said that there are now just two more mums,” Elena smiles. The open conversation is important.
The four of them also have an Instagram account on which they share content about their family life. “We want to create visibility and provide information,” says Lara. They describe their relationship on the social media platform as “triage plus one”. “Viviane is only with Julia and has no relationship with me and Elena, but we each have a relationship with Julia,” explains Lara. The four organize their everyday life together, raising children and doing the household together. “I always have my work calendar open, we plan as far as possible and so that the others can always see what’s coming up and when,” says Elena.
Planning and structure are a matter of course in the family of seven, so that everyone can pursue their job. “Currently, I take the children away in the morning, then work and pick them up again,” describes Viviane. She is an occupational therapist, her wife Julia works in the legal field, she is also studying marketing and doing tattoos as a part-time job. Every woman has her own career goals and is in a different professional area, the family is very important to all of them at the same time. In this way, they constantly shape their everyday lives with children and their careers.
In general, the four mothers stick together and spend their structured everyday life with joy. “For example, we throw cleaning parties,” laughs Lara. Then the music is turned up loud while they clean up together. “We just make the annoying everyday life fun,” Viviane smiles.
The typical everyday tasks are clearly divided among the women, which also provides structure. “We have a budget,” says Lara. Together with Julia, she is responsible for the two bathrooms, Elena takes care of the food and Viviane does the laundry. “She is the only one who knows what belongs to whom,” says Lara. In general, the plan is distributed according to preferences. “We looked to see who prefers to do”, says Viviane. “Everyone should use their strengths, we help each other with weaknesses,” Elena agrees.
Mutual support is important to them, also so that everyone has time for themselves or their partner. “There are also afternoons when the motto is ‘After me the flood’,” jokes Viviane. If someone withdraws and needs time for himself, there are three more mothers who can shoulder the children and the household. “That makes a lot of things easier,” says Viviane.
Lara and Elena first had to groove into the mother role. “In the beginning I was still a night owl, that has now changed massively because I have to be up in the morning,” says Lara. She gets up around six in the morning, Julia around five in the morning, with Viviane and Elena the morning also depends on upcoming appointments or the waking up of the youngest child. Family life developed together after moving together, they first had to get used to everyday life as a group of seven. “It took us two months to get used to it,” says Lara.
In the meantime, the family has become a well-rehearsed team in everyday life, they master their everyday life through structure and the calendar. Everyone has the opportunity to continue pursuing their job and at the same time to be there for the family. “Hopefully we can expand our family even further,” Lara wishes.
