‘A birth cannot be controlled and my previous two deliveries do not guarantee the third’

I can still remember handing in a birth plan to the midwife when I was pregnant with Lewis. It became half a book, meticulously worked out down to the smallest detail. Little did I know, I thought I had to. I can imagine that the midwife then thought: Oh, it’s her first. How cute. A seven-sided birth plan.

Lewis’ birth went without a hitch, it was definitely a birth by the book. Actually, by accident, it went completely according to my birth plan. When the midwife came I was already six centimeters dilated (though I thought it might still be practice contractions) and there was room in the hospital where I wanted to give birth on an outpatient basis. We got there about 11 PM and at 3 AM Lewis was born. I was fit and happy, I had no problems with my body and we were soon allowed to go home. The only thing I thought then – well, that may be different next time, was the construction lamp that was put on my box when the contractions started. Even though it may be necessary, I had described it a little more romantically in my birth plan.

With Miles – on Curaçao – it was different. I didn’t have a birth plan. Firstly, because they are not at all concerned with that in Curaçao (it comes as it comes, let it go, you can’t control everything) and secondly: I had given birth before. It would be all right.

I felt from the first second that the contractions had started and I took my time to shower, get changed and pack some last minute things. Only when it was really unbearable, we drove to the Maternity Clinic on Rio Canario, where people worked who were very sweet and involved and very professional, but the building itself was … well. I had already been there once and it was not very new (euphemism of the century), but that didn’t bother me. I already knew I was perfectly capable of bearing a child and the environment wouldn’t matter.

That was the theory.

But we arrived, I was allowed to lie on a bed as you know them here from the doctor’s or midwife’s practice and my ex sat down on a wooden stool. The wiring was hanging from the ceiling and the air conditioning was blaring at freezing point. I remember thinking, “It doesn’t matter! I can do this! I’m a little hard, but I can do this just fine. Unfortunately my body thought otherwise and the contractions disappeared like snow in the sun. A very sweet nurse was patiently stroking my leg while I was chuckling at all the wires hanging from the ceiling and the green tiles on the wall.

“This isn’t going to work,” I said after a while. “We’ll go home.”

But I was already almost seven centimeters dilated so I had to stay. In retrospect, I think Miles could have been born hours earlier if I hadn’t had this ‘break’ of my bubble. At home the contractions were strong and only got stronger, but your body warns you when you no longer safe are. That’s just nature, my contractions stopped because subconsciously maybe I didn’t feel out of place. We are and remain mammals.

So in the end Miles’ labor lasted longer than Lewis’s, but where I had a pressing phase of over an hour with Lewis, Miles was launched within six minutes. Also a great birth, nothing to worry about.

Where Lewis was weighed, measured and dressed next to my bed, Miles did that in a separate room. Unfortunately I was not there and that was a shame. The construction lamp was absent this time because the entire delivery room was lit by beautiful fluorescent light and I didn’t experience ‘the golden hour’ with Miles, because they thought it was more important to wash me. He did lie with me and was immediately breastfed, but that was it. Then it was: go, dress child and I got an ice-cold, wet dishcloth with disinfectant stuff between my legs. What a party. A minimal birth plan might have been useful after all. Especially since Miles was taken to the nursery, and I to the ‘rest room’. I still remember talking to a nurse.

‘Madam? Ehh… where’s my baby?’

‘In the nursery. Sleep well.’

BRING HIM HERE LIKE THE SODEMIETER! (I thought).

“Oh, I’d rather have him with me. Can he come here?’

Well, here he came. In his bed with rusted wheels, squeaking loudly through the corridors of the Maternity Clinic. Anyway, I had my child with me, although he might have had a bit of a headache by now.

This week we will discuss the upcoming birth with the midwife. I read some tips.

Attitude – Probably like a sack of potatoes on my side, just like last time. Can’t get any movement.

Then I got stuck. What do I actually want to discuss? I decided to take my previous experiences with me and – together with Nils – made a draft with the most important points for us:

1. We’ll see how it goes (actually includes everything).
2. Preferably an outpatient in Rijnstate Arnhem.
3. Fine, dimmed light (no construction lamp please).
4. Golden hour is important to us, please breastfeed immediately.
5. Skin to skin contact with me and Nils.
6. Dress yourself if you can.

I think we’ll be fine with that, maybe we’ll come up with something later. A birth runs the way it does and you ultimately have no influence on that. I find the most relaxation in it let it run its coursea delivery cannot be steered and my previous two deliveries give absolutely no guarantees for this third time.

I am curious about your stories. Did your birth go according to your birth plan? let me know!