Leonne had a brain haemorrhage: ‘I didn’t know if I would ever see the children again’

Leon (39): “Early in the morning, on Saturday, June 6, 2020, my husband Jordi was awakened by a strange, loud snoring noise that I was making. He couldn’t wake me up and immediately called 911. That’s what I heard when I woke up on my own shortly afterwards. I wanted to say that there was no need for a doctor, but I couldn’t get my words out. I was just babbling, realizing that I couldn’t be heard and panicked. Lucas (10) was already downstairs. When Suze (8) woke up and stood in the doorway, Jordi tried to reassure her. “Mommy isn’t feeling so well, go downstairs.”

Stroke

My speech did return, but I felt dizzy and unwell. Was it wrong again? I could see in Jordi’s eyes that he was also thinking about years earlier, when I had a brain haemorrhage when I was 22. At that time I was working in the catering industry, I walked into the kitchen with a stack of plates and felt a pain in my head. I couldn’t shake it off, the pain was so severe that I asked colleagues to call a doctor. I was very thirsty, could not lie down and in the hospital an examination showed that I had a brain haemorrhage. I didn’t know what I was hearing, wasn’t that something that happened to old people?

“A brain haemorrhage, that was something that happened to old people, wasn’t it?”

The next day I had surgery, using a technique that was fairly new at the time: coiling. The doctors went through my groin to my brain to stop the bleeding site with a stent and thin platinum wires. It was only when I was taken to the operating room that it became clear to me how serious the situation was. My parents were also with me in the meantime, they were told that the doctors did not know whether and how I would get out of this.

Only then did it dawn on me that I wasn’t sure I would survive this. And that’s exactly what I realized when it seemed to be wrong the second time and I lay in my bed waiting for the ambulance. In the meantime I had called a friend, she came to us in her pajamas to pick up the children. But before they went with her, I asked Jordi to send Lucas and Suze upstairs. Seemingly calm, I told them I had to go to the hospital. “Give Mom a big hug.” But as I held them, I said goodbye in silence. Because I really didn’t know if I would ever see them again. I was fine, wasn’t sure if I was bleeding again, but didn’t trust it. The memory of that embrace still makes me deeply sad.

Weak spot

It wasn’t until the hospital that the excruciating pain started in my head. And then I knew: this is another brain haemorrhage. This was also apparent from the investigations and scans that were made immediately. The bleeding was in an area previously designated by doctors as weak. Because since that first brain hemorrhage, I’ve been checked twice a year. And now, exactly between two checks, things went wrong there. A doctor once compared it to a weak spot in a bicycle tire. The more air gets in, the weaker it gets and at some point it blows. A brain haemorrhage can be bad luck, but lifestyle and stress can also have an influence.

I was operated on the same day. Before I was wheeled into the operating room, Jordi and I were calm. We trusted the medics. “Patch me up again,” I said. Strangely enough, I was no longer concerned with the dangers of the operation. Those emotions only returned when the children came to visit me the next day. I lay on all kinds of hoses, IVs, bells and whistles, couldn’t even turn around. But I was still there and to them I was just mom. Lucas and Suze were a bit shy, got an ice cream and the nurses gave all three of us our own cuddly horse. When they were at home and wanted to tell me something, the message came to me via our horses.

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To rest

After the operation I was in the hospital for ten days. I had so many headaches that I can’t remember much about them. Due to corona restrictions, I was barely allowed to receive visitors. That was especially annoying for everyone who wanted to come, I couldn’t have many incentives anyway.

I was overjoyed when after ten days I got the green light to go home. By the way, with the promise that I would take it very easy and go flat on time. I was still on medication and had a lot of contact with the hospital. I found it exciting, but especially nice to go to my family and to lie in my own bed again. At good times I enjoyed the smallest things. For example, after a few days I was already dyeing Suze’s hair with crepe paper with a big smile.

To sleep

With a lot of rest and few stimuli I have slowly recovered. I have learned to guard my limits, also by crossing them every now and then. Physically I’m doing well now, it’s the fear of repetition that keeps me in the grip every now and then. Recently my boss sent an invitation to a four-day conference in Lisbon. After nights of worrying, I honestly told why I’m not going. I dare not sleep four nights next to a colleague, far from home. Suppose it happens again and my colleague is not as alert as Jordi. I’m bummed, but I just don’t dare.

If that second brain hemorrhage hadn’t happened overnight, sleeping might not have been a problem. Everyone normally goes to bed with peace of mind, assuming you just wake up the next day. But I now know that things can be different. I’m not sure that this will ever happen to me again. If I have a headache, alarm bells go off immediately.

New attitude to life

For now, I’m going to keep checking every year. The last time the neurologist was able to allay some concerns. He then went through the entire scan with me and showed that there is no longer a weak spot in my head. There is no guarantee that nothing will ever happen again. There are spots in my head that have been treated and no one can tell me what the long-term effect of coiling is. The hospital has told me that I can also come in between check-ups if I don’t trust it.

“I want my kids to remember how great we are together.”

My life is almost back to normal, although I am now more aware of creating beautiful moments. Later on, I want Lucas and Suze to remember how much fun we had together, from playing games at the kitchen table to going to concerts and crazy vacations. I like that attitude to life and I wouldn’t have had it without the two brain haemorrhages.”

This article can be found in Kek Mama 01-2022.

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