‘We turned out to have completely different expectations’
Image: Unsplash
It seemed like such a nice plan, going on holiday with friends, but the execution was quite disappointing. That you think afterwards: why was this such a good idea?
Mirza (42), married to Eddo, mother of Liam (8) and Simcha (5).
“In retrospect, I don’t remember exactly why I liked this plan so much. But somewhere in winter, during a pleasant evening with wine and good conversations, Eddo shouted: why don’t we go on holiday together this summer?
on holiday together
Our friends Michel and Daniëlle agreed immediately. And I actually thought it was fun too. We had known each other for three years now, always had a good time and our children were the same age and had a good click with each other. I thought it would be nice that they could play together, especially since Liam and Simcha are not children who easily make camping friends. It would be nice for them if there were already two well-known children to play with.
“Great, I thought, then we have the same expectations”
‘But,’ I said immediately that evening, ‘we don’t go together in one house.’ I also like my privacy and don’t feel like being with other people all day. Fortunately, Michel and Daniëlle said that they also wanted their own place. Great, I thought, then we have the same expectations.
Also read – ‘I ended our friendship on the spot’ >
Other expectations
Disappointed for a while. As soon as we arrived at the French campsite where we had booked a separate chalet for both families, it turned out that they did intend to spend the full two weeks together. Michel made a fuss at the reception because our houses were not next to each other, even though he had mentioned this when booking.
“He made a fuss at the reception because our houses were not next to each other”
I creak to Eddo in despair. How did he pass that on? That was not a requirement at all for me. In fact, I was fine with a ten-minute walk in between. But actually I should have known then. Because during the outward journey of two days we constantly received messages: we stop there and there, see you soon! When I had sent back that we were not yet ready for lunch, moreover had enough fuel and so drove on for a while, there was a grumpy response.
In short: we turned out to have completely different expectations of the holiday. While they had looked forward to us doing everything together, we loved going out or eating alone with our own family sometimes. And where Michel and Daniëlle reported to our house at ten o’clock in the morning – ‘Let’s have a cup of coffee, you know’ – their constant presence drove me crazy. Because they never left. Or so, but then they left the kids with us.
Freedom
After three days I was already overstrained and I was very sorry. ‘This isn’t going to work’, Eddo concluded and we started the conversation. That we found it super cozy, but also needed a little more privacy. That we liked doing things together, but not all day. That we sometimes wanted to eat out in the evening and did not want to eat the noodles or rice from Daniëlle and Michel every day. While they found: why eat out when you eat much cheaper at your house? And that’s fine, freedom joy. But also for us.
“That freedom was not there, because if we wanted to leave, they were constantly stinging”
Only that freedom was not there, because when we wanted to leave, they constantly reacted prickly. “Oh, you want to get rid of us?” Danielle then asked. She acted like it was a joke, but I couldn’t help it.
Sticking under water
The conversation turned into an altercation. Nothing we tried to convey to them got through. Daniëlle and Michel were only offended and felt rejected. Then we didn’t see them for two full days – which was wonderful, but the children didn’t understand it – and then an app came: ‘Is this what you want?’ ‘No,’ I sent back, ‘but you know what I mean.’
Another conversation followed and eventually we found a mode to sit out every two weeks. A mode where I got stings underwater all the time and bit my tongue just for the sake of peace. At least the kids had a great time, I told myself.
Borders
After two weeks we drove home as fast as we could. Our friendship never got better, we saw Daniëlle and Michel four times over the past year, on the children’s birthdays. We don’t make appointments anymore and that’s fine. Because people who don’t respect my boundaries and don’t listen to what I say but want to determine things themselves, I can miss as a friend. This year the four of us are going to a nice campsite. Enjoy each other and no one else. I can not wait.”
This article is featured in the Kek Mama Summer Special 2022.
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