‘We made up baby names between contractions’

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Five years ago, Lisa gave birth to daughter Fee. That she had no idea she was pregnant is something many people find difficult to understand, including herself.

Lisa (42): “I had been to an Indonesian restaurant with colleagues and had eaten quite spicy food. The next morning I woke up feeling like I had a mega hangover – even though I hadn’t had a drop to drink. I had a headache and was nauseous and decided to work from home for a day.

Pregnancy

In the evening I got a stomach ache. Right before the door of the toilet I suddenly lost a puddle of water and when I sat down on the toilet I also lost a mucus plug. This is not good, I knew. I googled and immediately came up with a possible pregnancy. That was not possible for me.

I had been pregnant once before and after four weeks I couldn’t close my pants anymore. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, which was very sad, but I had no desire to have children. Children did not fit into my life. I worked full time, traveled a lot and didn’t see myself living with a man anytime soon.

Unexpected

From the toilet I called the GP. The assistant also thought of a pregnancy, but wanted to be sure. She advised me to take a test. I got on my bike and drove to the supermarket. On the way I called the father of the possible child. He was in shock, just like me, and would come to me right away. The result was obvious.

Again I called the GP. The assistant began to rattle more and more panicked. “Keep calm,” she told me. “You make me restless,” I replied. Eventually I got a doctor on the phone and told me to lie flat on the couch or bed – an ambulance would be on the way.

“Not much later my house was full of nurses”

Not much later my house was full of nurses. I was four centimeters dilated, and in the hospital I was immediately taken to the delivery room. All the while I remained amazingly calm. It was like observing myself from a distance. Like it wasn’t about me.

Still, I also had concerns. All this time I had done everything that is not allowed when you are pregnant; how would this affect the baby? And where was I actually? That was not clearly visible on the ultrasound that was made. Meanwhile, my stomach ache got worse. I was in no way prepared and had no idea how to puff away contractions. The nurses guided me through it. I realized very well that I was in labor, but the consequences did not sink in at all.

Baby names

The father and I came up with names between contractions. For a boy we were so out, for a girl we didn’t know. The baby was born towards morning. A girl. She was very small, but full-grown; they call it dysmature.

She was flawless, without skin oil, which indicated that I had been pregnant for about 42 weeks without knowing it – because then skin fat disappears in babies. The placenta had been anterior and was already turning black. Luckily the baby was healthy, she was doing well. After a few hours we knew her name: Fee.

Read also – ‘Becoming pregnant for the second time is not a given, I now know’ >

Don’t be alarmed

Immediately after she was born, I called my parents. My father answered. “Don’t be alarmed, I’m lying here in the hospital with a little girl on my stomach,” I said. ‘What is?’ I heard my mother ask in the background. Of course they were also terrified. Forty minutes later they were standing next to my bed; surprised but mostly happy.

My grandniece had given birth without knowing she was pregnant. I had seen her the week before the birth of her baby and I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with her. So I knew it could happen, but I never thought it could happen to me. I used the Nuvaring as contraception and have not had any pregnancy symptoms except for some back problems. I hadn’t gained a kilo, rather lost weight because I had been dieting.

I immediately felt maternal love for Fee, but I also saw her as an invasion of my privacy. When the box was delivered after two weeks, the real realization came: she will never leave. The man I had conceived with retired from our lives two weeks after birth.

Disbelief

When Fee was six weeks old, I went on holiday to Spain with her. It was a kind of flight; I couldn’t handle the negativity of my environment anymore. Most people didn’t believe me. The reactions I received to my story were often mean. “You set him up on purpose,” someone said, for example. And I felt the disbelief in many people, it’s horrible when people doubt your sincerity. It changed me forever. I don’t just let people in anymore. It really shocked me how ugly people can be.