‘We close the windows first so that the neighbors don’t hear my screams’

Image: Getty Images

If your husband is a skipper, you have to take it easy when he’s home, Ellen knows. And since she lost weight she enjoys it even more.

Ellen (38), married to Peter (40) for 21 years, is the mother of Milan (13), Julia (11) and Daan (9).

“With a man who is sometimes away from home for weeks as a skipper, his own company and three children, our family can be called hectic. The time Peter and I have together is limited and sex is a hassle. But that doesn’t mean it’s boring. It has only gotten more intense and exciting over the years.

skipper

I was barely seventeen when Peter and I started dating. We have been together for 21 years now and still very happy. The secret to our success is that he has been away a lot because of his work, sometimes three months or six weeks at a time. That automatically keeps it fresh and exciting and increases our sexual desire.

“I just wanted to kiss and touch him at such a moment”

In the years when he was really gone for weeks at a time, I just didn’t pull the clothes off his body when he came home. I was disappointed when I went to pick it up from Schiphol and my parents-in-law drove along ‘for fun’. I just wanted to kiss and touch him at that moment. After such a long time of abstinence, I was about to burst.

Higher libido

I’ve always been crazy about sex, but since I’ve lost twenty kilos, I feel more free and daring and I do more. It has improved my self-esteem and has made me act and dress sexier. I also notice this in the reactions of other men. Then I walk down the street in shorts and a truck driver honks or a window cleaner whistles. That never happened to me before. I’m playing with my femininity now. Challenge Peter with a seductive look or plunging neckline and draw him into the bedroom.

Recently stopping the contraceptive pill has also had a beneficial effect on my libido; it is much higher. The only drawback is that Peter does not dare to be sterilized. I think he should do that, I took the pill for years, gave birth three times. Until then we have to make do with condoms and we don’t always have them at hand.

Open up about sex

I am the one who most often takes the initiative. Especially when it’s been two weeks already, I really miss the connection. I just need sex to function properly. We have an app on our phone that presents fun sex dilemmas that can get you in the mood. I also like sending him horny texts when he’s on board. Peter thinks sexting is so 2019, but I love teasing. I like to drive him crazy when he is busy with his colleagues, then I send how much I like and long for him.

Peter is more prudish than I am. I talk more easily about sex and walk around the house in my nakedness. He finds that strange; soon the neighbors will see me. Well, have fun with it. During carnival I even got into a conversation with a few women and men in the pub about sex toys. Years ago I once had an old-fashioned vibrator – it still had a plug, so to speak. But those men updated us about vibos with air pressure function and how nice they were for doggystyle positions. So funny.

A week later, Kruidvat had such vibrators on offer. I immediately bought one. Since then it has been an extra addition to a lovemaking, but I also take it when he is sailing and I need to unload myself. Ideal, they are waterproof, so I just take the vibrator with me in the shower.

Read also – ‘We’ve had sex a lot more often since we started French kissing again’ >

Shower together

I am just as open about sex with the children. I regularly tell them that they can ask me anything if they are curious. Or I put a pack of condoms on the stairs and ask the eldest, almost fourteen, to take them upstairs and put them in our bedroom. That’s my way of letting him know they’re in the house if he ever needs them. So far, Milan doesn’t want to know anything about it and he calls us sticky when we’re kissing. “Wow, Mom!” he sometimes shouts loudly.

“We really enjoy soaping each other and caressing and feeling each other’s bodies”

I would prefer to have sex more often, but making time remains difficult. Especially now that we have teenagers in the house who don’t go to sleep until late. We are often too tired to have sex. Peter and I do make sure that we shower together twice a week. Not necessarily to have sex, but we really enjoy soaping each other up and caressing and feeling each other’s bodies. ‘More economical in water consumption’, I tell the children. Not always true, if it turns into a shower plus and we are busy, while the water flows over us. Then I’ll make sure the bathroom is locked, because I don’t want to get caught.

All doors locked

In corona time it was completely difficult to get privacy. We sat on each other’s lips all day as a family. Then I had to be creative. Sometimes I let them go wild in the woods on purpose or swim all day, then they were so exhausted in the evening that they all went to bed on time and we had plenty of room to spoil each other unhindered.

When Peter is not at sea and I am working at home, it is therefore a godsend during the day, because then the children are all at school and we can get to work undisturbed. Although, a while ago my mother-in-law called Peter: his father had just dropped by to return the drill. He had come in through the back door, hadn’t hit us, so he had put the machine on the table.

“To be on the safe side, we now also lock all doors when we have sex”

At that moment we were just recovering from a lovemaking. I’m sure my father-in-law must have noticed we were home. Because I’m not very quiet when we have sex: we close all the windows in advance so that the neighbors don’t hear my screams. The idea that my father-in-law overheard us is super embarrassing to me. On the other hand, he’d rather hear this than argue. But just to be on the safe side, we now also lock all doors when we have sex.”

Do you also want to be interviewed for this section? Then you will receive a ‘fun package’ from EasyToys worth € 75. Mail to redactie@kekmama.nl.

This article appears in Kek Mama 12-2022.

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