This is what homeschooling does to mothers

It was a merry Christmas. Quiet, clear and everyone cooperated.

The days had qualities that I would most like to attribute to my children.

‘YES, I AM ON MY WAY!’ (I scream upstairs)

Apologies for this interruption in this story, but my oldest was unable to log in for her daily master student contact.

Well, where was I. Oh yes, Christmas.

‘WHAT? HOW DOES IT NOT WORK? I JUST RESET IT DOWN HERE. TRY AGAIN ‘

Homeschooling

Apologies for this messy story, but homeschooling is next level multitasking. My task next to teacher is to write a consistent, semi funny but with a core of authenticity piece for Kek Mama.

So, Christmas was in the past and I was not hungry for skin, but hungry for someone else. Not loading and unloading the dishwasher for a while, not going into the Albert Heijn without a goal again, not …

“MOM, HOW DO I TURN MY MICROPHONE OFF ?!” “YES, ASK YOUR FATHER WILL YOU?” (In the meantime, I am checking with my own father whether he wants to take care of at least one day this week).

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The other sock

Well, where was I? Oh yes: just not be confused about where the hell the other sock is. May I talk to you about that? I seriously think that I have fifteen pairs, wait, I mean that differently, that I have fifteen single socks. They lie in a chair with me, waiting to be reunited with their fellow. Their like-minded, their counterpart, their neighbor, their partner, their brother, their peer … but no.

The socks in my house seem to be able to do everything on their own. In fact, I don’t know any more headstrong socks. But seriously, where are those socks ?! I sometimes start to doubt myself. Did I buy them as a pair? Or is there a secret cover in the washing machine where some socks find a way out to a new life? A life without dominant children’s feet, in which they are not dragged down the intrepid street without the protection of proper footwear. With disastrous consequences such as seemingly harmless wear, but with gaping holes as a result. Could there be a hidden society of socks? Organizing those dark disappearances as a daily routine?

“DAD’S IN A CALL MOM, YOU MUST COME FOR A TIME BECAUSE I DON’T GET ANYTHING ABOUT THE WEEKLY TASK!”

Sokkendelirium

I have just read back the above argument about the mystery of the missing sock and I must admit that my own writings shocked me. But I’ll leave it alone, because that’s what homeschooling does to us. And that should be brought to the attention.

Dear parents of the Netherlands. We can do this and if, like me, you occasionally end up in a pedestal delirium: It’s okay. ‘Dry January’ is also possible in February, or in March, or …

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of 2 lab babies Maria (10) and Phaedra (7). She worked at Qmusic and 100% NL, among others. Her successful podcast series Let’s Talk About Sex (e) can now be heard on GoodLIFE Radio. Her husband lives in Switzerland during the week, when she tries to combine kids, work and girls nights as best as possible. In her debut novel ‘De Lab Baby’ she talks about her personal experiences with IVF.

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