“There I am, at the shortest Christmas dinner ever”
Image: Little Detail Photography
Tabitha (43) lives with sons Teun (7) and Willem (3) in Haarlem. Her husband Frank was diagnosed with an untreatable brain tumor a year ago. A month later he passed away. In Tabitha’s column you get an insight into moments she and her sons experience in the first year without dad.
It’s December 2021. The holidays are just around the corner and to be honest, I prefer to skip them this year. I have always enjoyed Christmas, being together with family, time for each other, good food and laughter. But even if I wanted to, I can’t ignore the holidays, because every commercial reminds me what the perfect Christmas picture should look like. Just like our Christmas looked like last year; cheerful and cozy with Frank there.
“Every commercial reminds me what the perfect Christmas picture should look like”
Fortunately, we had no idea what was to come. Now our perfect picture is cracked and we are in the process of gluing the pieces together. And yet, I think, the children are entitled to fun days. They have already endured so much misery that it is precisely they who are allowed to enjoy. But how?
Christmas breakfast
The last day before the holidays, Teun has a Christmas breakfast at school. Everyone is allowed in Christmas clothes and the parents give an extra tasty breakfast to school. Teun wears a nice Christmas shirt with a cozy Christmas hat. And he would like to wear daddy’s glittery bow. It looks lovely on him. When I look through the windows into the classroom and see my little man among his classmates, tears well up in my eyes and I hum: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, f#ck.
Read also – A year of mourning: “Where is Daddy now?” asks Willem (3)’ >
An empty place
On Christmas Day I sit at home with the boys in the evening. We’re going to gourmet with the three of us. We’ve also been invited to friends, neighbors and family, but I’m not in the mood. Here we are. The table is nicely set and in the corner of the room is a very nice tree that I bought and decorated together with Teun.
“Why did I want this again?”
Willem almost burns his fingers on the raclette grill during dinner. After ten minutes they don’t feel like eating anymore and they want to leave the table. Why did I want this again? This was my shortest Christmas dinner ever. Also an achievement. I stay alone, take a sip of wine and look at the empty place at the table. So here it is: the first Christmas without Frank. The first Christmas without daddy.
This article is in the Kek Mama Winter Book 2022.
Want to read more columns from Tabitha? Go to kekmama.nl/tabitha
