‘Stop with those classic role patterns if that works better’
Malu Pesulima lives with Romano and is mother to Mack and Mosi.
“Spread or all at once?” As casually as you ask the baker for half a white, Romano looked over his laptop in my direction. I didn’t understand. “Whether I should spread out those five weeks of additional birth leave or take it all at once, I mean.” ah. I didn’t see that coming. Of course I had known for a long time that fathers have recently become entitled to additional leave at birth, but I didn’t think it was obvious that Romano would take advantage of that.
Birth leave
Not that I didn’t think it would be nice to get used to our newfound family of four together – let’s be honest. But I was just ridiculously hard on myself and thought I should be able to run things on my own again a week after giving birth. In the past, this was no more than normal.
“I thought I should be able to run things on my own again a week after giving birth”
My father was sitting behind his keyboard a day after I was born. “That’s just the way it was,” was my mother’s response. “I had maternity help all week for extra hands, didn’t I?”
Also read – ‘I should have been taken care of during the maternity period’ >
gender norms
Insane, I think now. Yet history seemed to repeat itself for a while, because I, who all the way proclaiming that I am getting tired of gender norms and stereotypes (woman has to care, man has to work), suddenly found it difficult to break through those outdated standards.
“I suddenly found it difficult to break through those outdated standards”
In fact: it was my very own guy who had to suggest to stay at home. Not only for his rest, but also to partly take on the care tasks. “You don’t know how quickly you recover after giving birth, do you? Or suppose we have a crybaby, you know a lot, then after the umpteenth broken night you are not eager to take Mack to school.”
He was right. And so he stuck five additional weeks behind his week of maternity leave. Don’t spread anything, just all at once so that he could fully enjoy his family and support me. It would be worst for him that he was paid thirty percent less during that period.
Divide
Six weeks have now passed and I have, in addition to a valuable maternity period, an even more valuable lesson: cut those classic role patterns if it works better. Mothers don’t have to do everything alone.
This article is featured in the Kek Mama Love Special of 2022.
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