Patrick became a donor father for two good friends: ‘They flew me in as Herman the super bull’

When I tell them that I have five children with five mothers, people often stand with their ears flapping. But when I tell them that one of those five beauties is a donor son who has two mothers, they let go of that initial surprise and want to know everything about my donor fatherhood… Does he also see you as a father? Do you see him often? Doesn’t that feel crazy, giving your child away? Did you have sex with the birth mother? Those kinds of questions.

Difficult situations

My beautiful donor son (now 8) has recently learned that I am his biological father. That was his mother’s choice. They would tell if he started asking questions. But he never did. It was normal for him to have two mothers. In his environment there were more children who had two mothers anyway, so ask questions, why? I myself would have opted for openness at my then 6 and 5 year olds at home. They were immediately enthusiastic about ‘their’ new brother. This sometimes resulted in difficult situations because one of his two mothers in particular often visits us. So when the biological mom was babysitting for Rikki and Jazz and a neat collector came to the door, little Rikki opened the door.
‘Hello, young lady,’ said the collector, ‘is your mother at home?’
‘Ehhh no,’ Rikki replied, ‘but my ehh… extramom. Yes, because my father gave me a seed…’ An embarrassing moment for both our babysitter and the collector. And when we were all together in a sushi restaurant, I could just prevent Jazz from revealing everything.
‘So,’ my son said as he got up and walked towards his donor brother, ‘And now I’m going to ask him if he wants you to be his daddy-…’

Handsome, intelligent and well built

“Do you find it difficult that you don’t see him every day?” people often ask.
‘No,’ I reply. “That was from the beginning when the moms asked me about the deal. They had a dream and I could help them. They were looking for a handsome, intelligent, well-built man… they couldn’t find him, so they asked me…”

I thoroughly enjoyed the whole donor process and that we are connected. Funny thing is that of all the kids he looks the most like me. Every meeting feels like a present. And however it goes; what he wants will always be leading. If he wants more intensive contact, he is welcome, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine too. Not because I wouldn’t want to. Very much so, because how I love him. It is just insanely important to do everything according to his pace and wishes. What I want is secondary.

“It’s funny that he looks the most like me of all the kids.”

My thoughts regularly go back to the time of donating. I still lived in Sweden and every month the mother to be pregnant was ‘temping’. Then you measure your body temperature every day. Two days before ovulation, the temperature rises slightly so that you know when ovulation occurs. Immediately afterwards they called me, booked a ticket to the Netherlands and flew me in as Herman de Superstier. At first I slept in the attic with the mothers and, between Settlers of Katan and Grandma’s flipped photo, I donated my specimen. After about five months without results, it became too expensive. So it became plan B: the clinic.

“Immediately they called me afterwards, booked a ticket to the Netherlands and flew me in as Herman de Superstier”

Scumbag!

The mothers had opted for a fertility clinic along the A4. Because there is still a supply, I always wave to my frozen material when I pass. Then I relive how I had to produce for a week at 08:15 in a sexless room with only a dingy Ikea chair, a TV with some porn movies. hell no for me to sit in that chair! Producing that was hard for me, and so was my young man. And then that last time! The waiting room was empty. I closed the door behind me and well, did what I came for. When I was done and wanted to hand in the harvest to the laboratory, I opened the door and was shocked. The waiting room was suddenly packed with students! Yes Yesit said in their eyes, we know what you just did there, you bastard! Now I laugh about it.

It was one of the most beautiful processes of my life. The moment the mothers told me that ‘they’ were pregnant and the day he was born, my happy other kids and seeing him for the first time. How much love can you feel? Even though he and his mothers have their own family life, from the bottom of my heart I say: I love your son as much as my own children!

PS: For privacy reasons I have not mentioned the name of my donor son and his mothers.