Nine-year-old at home? ‘It’s the zone between being a child and becoming a teenager’

Image: Unsplash

One day your child will crawl on your lap and want to cuddle; the next moment you are the most unkind mother in the world. From ‘I’ll do it myself!’ to ‘will you help me?’ within a minute. Why all these contradictions? Don’t worry, it’s the age. Your nine-year-old is in the midst of transitioning from child to teen.

Suddenly there is more than ‘me’ and the beautiful, safe world. A healthy development, but a tough one that your child, but also you as a parent, have to go through.

Large playground

During this phase, which in anthroposophy is also called ‘the fall from paradise’, your child wants to become independent. But then again not. It wants to do everything itself. But then again not. It wants to be alone and needs privacy. But then again not. And it gets a little bigger emotionally. But then again not. Where does that come from? Until the age of about eight, the whole world is one big whole for the child. Everything is interconnected and the world consists only of themselves and the people around them. Everything is a large playground in which fantasy and reality intertwine.

Wobbling between two worlds as a child

As children get older, they become more self-reliant and independent. They can read, watch the news and talk more with others. They come to realize that the world is actually much bigger and that they are part of it. The outside world doesn’t really come in until the age of nine and it’s suddenly her against the world. It is literally wobbling between two worlds and that causes a lot of frustration.

This age also describes well as the twilight zone between being a child and becoming a teenager. On the one hand they would love to stay with the old familiar, but on the other hand the new world is also very interesting. The freedom they get feels attractive, but at the same time it is also very safe within the walls.

Also read – Children shouldn’t be given homework at primary school yet

Discover your own place

Not only in terms of feelings, a world opens up for them. It can also start to rumble around them. In the classroom there can now suddenly be formed groups, exclusion, secret clubs and bullying. Everyone is looking for their place and they discover that they are not only next to each other, but also opposite each other. The nine-year-olds discover the differences between them, ranging from clothing style to music taste and from interests to performance. Children have their own opinion, but they also suddenly have to learn to deal with jealous behaviour. Friendships that last for years may pass and other friendships take on greater significance. The emotions go from left to right and it is not easy to deal with them.

A nine-year-old in the upper school

So while at the age of nine it is quite a mess in terms of self-image and emotions, it also becomes more difficult at school. Most children of this age start their senior year, which often means (more) homework, expansion of subjects, speaking engagements and even entrance exams in preparation for the provisional school advice. Some schools are even cautiously predicting a result at the end of the school year.

Offer handles

All the contradictions, emotions and confrontations can make you feel extremely frustrated and powerless as a parent. Because what do they want now and what do you do well? For nine-year-olds, it is now especially important to be heard and supported. Let them go to go out into the wide world and discover everything, but catch them if necessary. Your child may become a little bolder, more stubborn, and more difficult because they take it out on those closest to them. Try to let the emotions be there, talk about it, but also just keep setting your limits. That is also part of the real world. And think along in practical solutions. They still like to have the tools that you as a parent can offer.

Support your child where necessary, continue to look over the shoulder with them and think and help build self-confidence. Then hopefully it will be the softest possible landing during the fall from paradise. But luckily, real life is also pretty beautiful. They will discover that for themselves after the reality check.

Source: Happinez, JM Ouders, Adiona, Praktijk Schot, Dietz Coaching.

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