“Need it to feel complete”

Ellen is a counselor in secondary special education, a thriller author at publisher De Fontein, mother of Lewis and Miles (11 and 8) from a previous relationship and gave birth to daughter Sophia with her boyfriend Nils in November.

It’s over again, my maternity leave, as it’s officially called. A week longer than expected as Sophia arrived a week late. I have to work all told for one day and then I have ‘weekend’ again, followed by spring break. Then I go again Real to work.

Sad

When Lewis was little and I had to go back to work after my leave, I was very sorry. I was sad and had actually been dreading it for weeks, angry that we didn’t use a Scandinavian leave model here in the Netherlands. I wanted to be with my child longer, to be able to enjoy that baby time longer and above all I needed more rest. The nights were miserable and I didn’t see how I could be a good worker on a few hours of sleep a night. I think a lot of parents struggle with that. The pressure, the hectic. I therefore think it is a step in the right direction that fathers can now take longer leave.

Leave together

Most fathers (apart from snorers, who don’t wake up from a cannon, let alone a crying baby) also suffer from broken nights and I can assume that they also want to experience a little more of their newborn baby than just the evenings. After all, you choose to have a child together and if you have to go back to work full-time after one or two days, you miss out on a lot. Nils and I had the whole month of November together and that was a really great start. We really enjoyed taking care of Sophia together and being able to take it easy. That’s how it should be for everyone.

Read also – ‘Staying put was the best thing we could do for him’

Otherwise

Now, unlike with the boys, I don’t mind starting again. Really, not at all. That has nothing to do with Sophia, I want to be with her just as much as with Lewis and Miles, but I also think it’s fine to do something. Since September I’ve been busy with the arrival of Sophia, my two sons and the household (okay, and I wrote a book), but now I need that variety again. Much more than after the births of Lewis and Miles, I find that I need my work to feel complete and complete. Perhaps that is precisely because I am older now and understand even more than then what makes me happy.

“Now, unlike with the boys, I don’t mind starting again.”

Of course that is different for every woman / mother, but I know that I don’t get satisfaction from just being at home. I love my job, the social aspect that comes with it. I like to be among people, to be with colleagues. I miss my students and their craziness, the hustle and bustle of the working day. I like to also have a story when Nils comes home from work, besides telling him how Sophia was.

Identity

My work is part of me, it’s part of my identity, and I’m ready to be present again tomorrow. The fact that Sophia – together with my sons and her other nephews and nieces – can visit my parents certainly contributes to that feeling. It ensures that I leave her with peace of mind and can focus on my work. Luckily I’m always home on time – not much later than when the boys come home from school – and I work part-time. I am also free during the school holidays, just like the children. Every mother, every family, has its own balance. Working is not a choice for every mother (or father), but it is for me. This is my balance, that’s what it’s all about.

Vacation is over and it’s okay. I enjoyed it immensely and besides having plenty of time for Sophia, I also had plenty of time for my boys. In that respect, this leave was really quality time with my family and that was the most valuable thing for me.

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