“My love for her cannot be compared to what I once felt for men”

Image: Getty Images

Esther (38) had no desire to have children until she fell in love with a woman for the first time seven years ago. She married Marion (39) and Mees (2) was born three years later.

“Children, they were not for me, I thought all my life. Where my sister eagerly offered her services as a babysitter from the age of twelve, I was horrified at the thought of such a screeching monster whose poop I also had to clean up. Let me work in the supermarket. Or in the hospitality industry, once I was a student, and where I regularly turned up a boyfriend.

Those flings never lasted more than a night or so. I liked having a beer with them more than sharing the bed with them. That’s how I became the supposed eternal bachelor in my clique of friends, a future cat lady. “Meow,” I replied with a wink when someone brought up my “panda points,” which represent the number of months without sex.

New friendship

Nearly all of my friends had started families when my life took a radical turn at age 31. I met Marion through a mutual friend, and from our first meeting I couldn’t get her out of my head. I didn’t recognize my feeling at first, thought I was just really excited about the new friendship.

“I didn’t recognize my feeling at first, thought I was just really excited about the new friendship”

Until the mutual friend asked after my umpteenth lyrical monologue about Marion: ‘Don’t you like her more than just fun?’ It hit the nail on the head. Marion, who had been into women all her life, couldn’t stop talking about me, the friend said. “Go have a drink with her tonight for heaven’s sake,” she called, and without waiting for my answer, sent an app to connect us.

date

Marion responded within two seconds. She suggested cooking for me that night. I couldn’t get a bite down my throat from the nerves. Until after dinner she said, “Put down your glass,” and kissed me. It was the softest, warmest, finest and most intense thing I had experienced. I can turn it into a romantic story, but the fact is that it turned out to be the most uninhibited, wonderful sex I had ever experienced.

Marion did have a child’s wish, she told me the next morning. If this was more than just an adventure, I had to know, because with a view to the often lengthy search for a sperm donor, she didn’t have forever. It didn’t scare me for a second. I was so in love that I immediately saw the whole house, tree, animal with her.

Read also – Carola fell in love with her son’s teacher: ‘We’ve been together for a year now’ >

Quest

Three months after our wedding we started our search for a donor, but it turned out not to be easy. One man wanted full co-parenting, the other wanted a role in the background but with a say, a third wanted parental authority. Marion and I just wanted a child of our own. From a donor who would one day, if our child needed it, be available, but otherwise play no role. And so, after a year and a half of deliberation, we ended up with an unknown Danish donor, via the donor bank. Marion was pregnant after the first attempt.

“Mees we tell that he has two moms who love him the most in the whole world”

We’ve been telling Mees since he was in the womb that he has two moms who love him the most in the whole world. He doesn’t seem to realize that many other children also have a daddy, although we do read books about our family structure. As soon as he can grasp it, we will explain to him that we received a seed from a gentleman who was happy to help us, because we only had eggs ourselves. At fourteen, the basic details of his donor become known and he can contact him if he wants. We will always support that.

Ten extra layers

The love between Marion and me cannot be compared to what I once felt for men. It is as if ten layers have been added. To feeling, to depth. We can squabble as only women can, but are so closely connected by nature that we understand everything about each other. In fact, it is as if I finally understand myself.”

This article appears in Kek Mama 11-2022.

Receive Kek Mama with a discount and free shipping on your doormat every month! Subscribe now and pay only €4.19 per edition.