“Mom, I really hope I don’t get your nose”

I want to warn you before you read on, because if you’re a hypochondriac like me, this column can cause some side-effects.

How it started…

My dear eldest daughter is about to leave the playground and become a teenager. This is accompanied by a lot of sighing, eye-rolling, stamping and angrily running away. So I think she’s going to be an ordinary, healthy young teenager. Luckily she doesn’t drink (yet!), but she does speak the truth. Also about one of my insecurities: my guess. my nose. Yes, you read that right.

That goes like this:

“Mom, I hope I don’t get your nose.”

“Why not?”

“He’s too tall”

My youngest sometimes subconsciously wants to throw some oil on the fire and supplements the conversation with the question: “Mama, did you often lie in the past?”

Nice, kids…

Plastic surgery

I’ve considered a nose job, but after my failed breast implants, I’ve become a bit more skeptical about plastic surgery. I have already read the necessary self-help books and increasingly find my inner beauty, yet a potential rhinoplasty had not completely disappeared into the background. Until last weekend, when I heard a horror story about the possible side effects of such an operation.

You may wake up with your Hollywood nose and feel like you can’t breathe. AND THAT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. It’s called the empty nose syndrome. I did some research because it almost sounded like a monkey sandwich, but it’s so freaking real.

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To suffocate

If you have ENS, as it’s called, you constantly feel like you’re choking. You gentlemen are getting the wrong message because your turbinates are too much affected (read: removed).

A friend of mine knows someone who has it. She called him gasping and terrified that this had happened to her after her nose job. He said that it is very bizarre, but above all very sad.

It has now been six months and her life has completely changed: she has undergone psychological treatment, stopped working, gained twenty kilos and is a shadow of herself. Snow, isn’t it?

‘They don’t take me by the nose anymore’

Look, every surgery comes with risks and I’m certainly not against plastic surgery because I believe sometimes it can actually make you happier. But they don’t take me by the nose anymore. It’s good as it is.

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of 2 lab babies Maria (11) and Phaedra (8). She worked at Qmusic and 100% NL, among others. You can now hear her successful podcast series Let’s Talk About Sex(e) on GoodLIFE Radio. Her husband lives in Switzerland during the week, when she tries to combine kids, work and girls nights. In her debut novel ‘De Lab Baby’ she talks about her personal experiences with IVF.

More columns from Patricia? Every Friday there is a new column on KekMama.nl. Read the previous columns here.