‘It got more fun and more fun – better than family vacations’

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It seemed to her to be something for pathetic types: such a vacation for single parents. But yes, fun for the kids and better than a campsite with couples who ignore your beam. And so it was that Julia ended up with her sons on an estate in Tuscany.

Carefully I drive up the sandy driveway of the mansion and park under the tall trees. It’s sweltering in the car – my air conditioner hasn’t worked for years – and I’ve driven over a thousand miles with two sons bouncing in the backseat. We are hungry, sticky and overcooked. So this is it, I guess, we’re really there. This is the first day of the single parent vacation that I am so dreading. My decision to go on a single-parent vacation was not made overnight. When do you accept that you belong to a certain target group?

single parent holiday

In my case, that took a little while. I don’t like to fit into a box, let alone the ‘broken family’ box. There is a bit of a sad aura about the whole concept of single-parent holidays. So we can safely say that my expectations were quite low when I booked this trip.

There are three things I dread to see: that vacations like this are some sort of dating opportunity in disguise that single moms and dads eagerly look forward to. That I have to hear dramatic divorce stories.

And that I’m confronted with roguish group activities – I don’t know by God why I should be in a boules team based solely on my marital status.

Reception

“Hello!” A cute boy comes sauntering over, smiling broadly. I estimate him as a working student, he turns out to be the son of one of the holidaymakers. He has been coming here for so many years that he is a regular at home. Unsolicited, he takes a few bags from the trunk and invites the children for lemonade and a tour of the grounds. Apparently he knows exactly what to do to please a single parent.

‘This was the intention’

We’ve been here less than five minutes and my kids are already gone. An hour and a half later, all our belongings are now in a simple room in the mansion, they have joined a swarm of children who enthusiastically traverse the farmlands. This was the intent, that’s what I’m here for.

I wanted so badly to go out with my men: they grow very fast, if I don’t now make childhood memories of sun-drenched holidays with cricket chirps and poppies, the chance is gone. I always went camping as a kid. For me, a holiday is being outside, out in nature, meeting new people. I didn’t want to join friends and family for the umpteenth time, I wanted to create our own holiday memories. From the three of us. As a family. No longer as a supporter of someone else’s family happiness. Moreover, such a single-parent holiday also has advantages: not sitting alone in front of the tent, being able to read a book, no text and explanation and no need to hear clichés such as: “How cool, on holiday alone with your children, I couldn’t do it hear!”

Shield

The site is completely fenced, there are trampolines, a petting zoo, a swimming pool and a river. Nothing can happen, I have no reason to call the boys back. But yes, now I have lost my human shields: as long as I can occupy myself with the cubs, I can pretend not to notice my surroundings. Because there are other people and there are more and more. There is room for about thirty adults in this mansion, and they will all arrive today. As a cover I take a thick book with me. I settle strategically in a place where I can take a good look at where I actually ended up.

At the pool is a man with glasses, older children. A small group on the right. Blonde woman, talk too loud. Some more people. To my left a young father, apparently very busy with his daughters – our eyes accidentally meet and we nod uncomfortably. The laughter is getting louder. More and more people are joining that group. I shrink a little. Dear lord. Do all these people know each other? This destination had as unique selling point that it was not a group tour. I feel very uncomfortable. Should I have thought more about this?

Afraid that all my bad suspicions will come true, I go to bed with the boys that night. The sun is high in the sky early the next morning. Now that the arriving and unpacking and settling in is over, everyone goes their own way. The site is cleverly set up: there are large tables where you can eat together, but also plenty of corners and seats where you can mess around alone or with your children. There is a room full of games that serves as a youth club, but there is also a small outdoor bar where the children are not allowed to come without a parent.

Also read: 5 holiday tips for single parents >

Defrosting process

Last night I slept well and deeply – that helps with my defrosting process. I quickly feel at ease and my social, cheerful side actually comes to the fore again. It’s amusing to see that I’m not the only one who appeared on the scene somewhat shy. There seems to be a kind of mutual code not to talk too much about the divorces we’ve had: the questions are limited to how long ago, a fight divorce or not, then on to the weather forecast. Moreover, not everyone is divorced: there are also Bomb Mothers on the lands, and a mother traveling alone whose husband works abroad for a while.

There are group activities, but they are for the kids. The parents are all lazy and hang around the pool as masks and fires are made with a volunteer girl created for responsible children’s entertainment using natural materials and imaginative stories. The type with whom your children are much better off on an artistic and educational level than with you. That is nice to read in the lounger.

And the parents, they are not so sad at all. At least not as bad as me. I live among all kinds of types: a bank manager, a gallery owner, a designer, a personnel coach. It turns out we don’t have something stupid, but something nice in common: we all felt like a real summer vacation and we all thought: fuck it, then such a one-parent event, fun for the children.

Make the best of it

Slowly but surely a group dynamic is created. More and more often in the morning I sit down with a few regular faces for breakfast because our children want to sit at a table together. We went there ourselves on the first day for lunch shopping, after a few days there is already a rotation schedule of who drives to the supermarket and immediately takes bread with them. We start to watch each other’s children: “Doris is here, she’s going to play badminton with us.” “No, go for a walk, I’ll keep an eye on Lucas.”

Things start to stand out. For example, there is a mother from Brabant who clearly intends to hook up with a juicy father. The mothers are not worthy of a glance, the fathers can count on interested questions and understanding glances. She wraps two fathers around her finger, the poor men don’t seem to notice. On the edge of the playing field, it is a shameless and highly entertaining spectacle. We are getting along more and more. At the only family activity, the weekly jeu de boules competition, I can’t pass up ‘my’ team and – ironically – I throw a fanatically. A first-class camp feeling arises: we have to get it together, let’s make the best of it.

plastering place

And where the outdoor bar was still sparsely visited in the first few days, it gets busier in the evenings when the children are in bed. The books are finished, the Tuscan summer evenings are long and sultry and we are no longer shy: the bar becomes a hangout. I must confess: it is wonderful to be together as single parents. My fear that it would be about divorce all the time turned out to be completely unfounded. We all seem relieved that we don’t have to talk about it. It’s obvious why you ended up here. Those few people who nevertheless want to discuss their ups and downs in detail have also found each other and are bent over and seriously in a corner. The rest of us just want to relax.

There’s booze. There is music. There is fun. It’s weird, but the evenings are getting nicer and more fun – better than when I went on family vacations with a daddy and a mommy and kids. Then it’s fast bunch-couple, wine with you, wine with us. This mixed company of loners is actually becoming dear to me. There’s even a dad I get on really well with—the guy I exchanged an awkward look with on the first day. Exactly a week later we end up alone by a campfire. Kissing and such, very adolescent but oh how delicious.

The very last day of vacation

On the very last day of vacation we stand sobbing by our packed cars. The children hug their holiday friends, exchange e-mail addresses and exchange friendship bracelets. The adults hug their holiday friends, exchange e-mail addresses and do not want to exchange anything. I did it, a single parent vacation. And it was one of the best decisions of my life.

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

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