‘I’m afraid I’ll get unplanned pregnant again’

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Victoria (33), fifteen years together with Levi (35), mother of Melodie (5), Stan (2) and Juul (7 months):

“After giving birth to the first one, we picked up again after six weeks, but then I postponed sex because I feared that after the cutting and the scars down under all didn’t fit anymore and kept hurting. After the second, I was concerned if a child would unexpectedly enter the room during intercourse. But now, after the unplanned third, I’m mostly afraid of accidentally getting pregnant again.

Surprise

Juul is a huge gift and completes our family, but she was not a conscious choice. She announced herself at a time when we were very busy and barely had time for each other, let alone for sex. A few weeks before I took a pregnancy test, I mentioned to Levi while brushing my teeth that my breasts felt so strange. I joked that I almost thought I was pregnant. Then we howled with laughter: ‘Haha, whose then?’ Levi asked. I had stopped breastfeeding three months before and my cycle was irregular as a result. Moreover, we had only done it once in the previous month and with a condom too.

Apparently Juul had to come, because I was actually pregnant. After the initial shock of this ‘immaculate conception’ I wanted to know if they weren’t twins, because that would be quite a shock. Fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. But it’s tough, three kids in five years. What makes it extra heavy is my chronic lung disease.

Insulation

During the corona time, we went into complete isolation because of my lungs until the summer of 2022. My doctor predicted that I would not survive covid, so you have little choice. You protect your family by protecting yourself. We really didn’t see anyone live at all and went into a bubble as a family. That worked out well. We all stayed healthy. But it was a pity that we couldn’t show off our son Stan: his maternity period fell in the middle of the first lockdown. When the family was able to hold and admire him for the first time, he was already two years old.

The lockdown was no problem for our relationship. We could both work from home and there’s no one I’d rather be cooped up with than with my own husband and kids. We’ve gotten even closer. We cuddle all day long. Levi isn’t used to that by nature, but I’m a cuddly butt and wanted our children to grow up with lots of love. He has now become good at it, both to them and to me. Only not in public, he finds that embarrassing. I respect that, although I can’t help but sneak a pat on the back every now and then.

Read also – Sanne became pregnant from her fling: ‘We were really panicked. What were we supposed to do?’ >

First love

Before Levi I had a few adolescent loves, but I was his first love and first bed partner. Since I’m really his only sexual experience, I’ve been insecure about that for a while. Wouldn’t he eventually become curious and cheat? Certainly during the first six months I gave him the opportunity for a one-night stand several times, so that he could experience what sex with someone else would be like. He never wanted that, he had enough with me. At one point I said: ‘Okay, then from now on we’re monogamous and we’re all for each other.’

Fifteen years later, we still love each other. A friend recently asked how we kept things exciting in the bedroom after such time together, but we don’t think about that. Levi even called tension unnecessary. Our relationship is so much more: we love each other, we are completely on the same page in terms of intellect, upbringing, humor and sexual needs. We are open and honest and everything is negotiable. Nothing quivers beneath the surface.

“My breasts have not been mine for five years”

But with a hectic family, two businesses of my own, physical discomfort and a baby that I’m still feeding myself, sex is the final item. In any case, it is very different if you are breastfeeding. In fact, my breasts have not been mine or my husband’s for five years. I breastfed the eldest two for about a year and a half and I am still nursing the third. When we have sex, you have to be careful: there is always a risk of leakage or a jet in your face, but we have a lot of fun with that.

Party in the bedroom

Especially during the periods when we really went for a baby, the party was in the bedroom and we did it five times a week. Funny thing is that when we did it so often, we also had a high libido. In the past year it only happened once, but I expect that we will return to the familiar average of once or twice a month.

Now if Levi feels like it, he first asks if I can handle it physically. And if I need more intimacy, I can just indicate that. I do check my ovulation calendar first though. We haven’t decided on definitive contraception yet. Until then we have sex with a condom, but I also keep track of my fertile days, for fear that it will not be enough and I will get pregnant again.

“Sometimes we say to each other: how do other young families do that?”

Sometimes we also say that to each other: how do other young families do that? And when? Good sleep is often so enticing on broken nights. We lie close together in bed, go through the day, kiss each other good night and then fall asleep.

Very occasionally such a kiss ends in a love affair, when Levi gets a little more excited and gets an erection. But even then it doesn’t have to happen. Our love has already been reciprocated by the fine end of the day. By the way, we also call sex purely ‘making love’. That’s how it feels to us. Precisely because we don’t rant like rabbits, we enjoy it even more when we do.”

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