‘I’m afraid I threw at least 20,000 euros over the bar’

Image: Getty Images

Money has never been a problem in Amber’s family, but her online gambling addiction has caused a lot of problems in recent years. She has been in therapy for six months.

Amber (37), married to Sjors (44), is a marketing manager and mother of two daughters aged 6 and 8:

“Sjors is an entrepreneur and quite successful. I also earn a very good salary; we really have nothing to complain about. ‘Anything is always possible with you’, my mother regularly says with a certain undertone. She is referring to our spending pattern, which is indeed quite exorbitant in many areas.

I drive a new car every two years, just because I like it. We have a house on the water and a boat at the jetty and there are years that we just go on holiday four times. Our daughters always look to get through a ring, just like me. I rarely pay attention to the price. If I like it or like it, I buy it.

“’Money has to roll’ is a motto that Sjors and I both use”

The fact that Sjors is so relaxed about that makes it a lot easier for me. I have a friend who has to account for every expense to her husband. That would make me nervous. ‘Money has to roll’ is a motto that Sjors and I both use. However, it has rolled a bit too hard and especially nonsensical for me in recent years.

A night out

Before corona, Sjors and I regularly went out for an evening. Then we started in a good restaurant and then we went on to the casino. I like the thrill of gambling. I love the whole atmosphere. Of course it’s nicest when I go home with a big profit, but my heart races just as hard when someone else brings in a lot of money with a game.

Sjors can always stop well. Not me. I am immeasurable, in many things. For example, I can’t stick to one glass of wine either. Give me at least a whole bottle – that’s why I rarely drink. Fortunately, Sjors always knows how to slow me down in the casino. When he says enough at the end of an evening, I protest a little more, but then I go with him.

online gambling

When the casinos were obliged to close their doors, I was very disappointed. That’s where our evenings went. The lockdowns hit me hard. I had to work from home and also had the kids around me 24/7. At the end of the day I was completely turned off; I am not a teacher, I did my work under high tension and was constantly calming arguments between the girls.

“I was doing my job under high tension and was constantly calming arguments between the girls”

I didn’t see the risk of taking a gamble online as dangerous. I deserved it, that relaxation, and besides; what else could i do? We don’t have a dog that I could walk with. And you certainly shouldn’t touch me with reading, I don’t have the patience for that. I need a little thrill and that’s what the online casino offered me. One of the first online gambling I won 2000 euros. I showed it to Sjors who reacted far from enthusiastic. “Watch out, if there’s one thing that’s addictive, it’s that,” he said. I didn’t want to hear it.

Also read – ‘I was addicted to shopping’ >

Addictive

That nice profit turned out to be a one-off. Every now and then I was in the plus, but never for long. The money I won, I gambled again – and more. I allowed myself to gamble online once a week. I lived up to that moment and often I didn’t make it. Then after four or five days I turned out to be too weak and I thought it was possible, just ten minutes. It just doesn’t work that way. Ten minutes becomes an hour and before I knew it I had bet a new amount. I sometimes gambled as much as 500 euros in one evening, in stages.

I manage our finances at home, so Sjors didn’t notice. Sometimes I paid it from my own account, then again from our joint account or I transferred something from the savings account. I didn’t tell him anymore. There was also nothing nice to report; I just lost below the line.

I kept telling myself to stop. Every time would be the last time. I knew I had an addiction, but I pushed it away. It was because of corona. I was stressed. It would stop on its own. I had an excuse for everything, I lied to myself. In the meantime I felt more and more depressed, I was feeling worse and worse.

The last time

Sjors discovered it six months ago. He looked for a debit in our bank account and came across all amounts he didn’t recognize; one time 150 euros, then another 300 euros; always round amounts. I had to expose my buttocks. In fact: I also wanted to expose the buttocks.

Where an evening at the casino with Sjors gave me a good feeling, online gambling had a grip on me. I thought about it almost day and night. And it was so easy at your fingertips too; i just did it on my phone. Every day I received an offer for free spins or coins in my email: if I bought 100, I got 50 more – that works. I could not resist it.

“He was very shocked that I was so unhappy in his presence”

In tears I confessed to Sjors what was going on. He was terribly shocked. Not so much because of all the money I had actually just thrown away, but more because I was so unhappy in his presence; he hadn’t noticed. Sjors had completely devoted himself to the case during corona. We barely had time for each other. We were both tired, grumpy and full of worries. Instead of seeing and supporting each other in it, I fled into something that always gave me a very short-term kick. Stupid and a huge waste of money.

Stop

I’m in therapy now and it’s going well. I have an app on both my phone and my computer that blocks all gambling sites. I am still triggered by all those advertisements for online gambling. If you think about it, isn’t it absurd that people are lured into spending their money that way?

I’m sure I won’t have a relapse, although I must always be on the alert. The will to stop was really there in me, which makes a difference. I no longer want to sponsor gambling companies and I also couldn’t take it any longer that I was so ruthless with money while so many others have to turn every dime.

“More people suffer from a gambling addiction than we think”

I have a one-on-one meeting with a psychologist once a week and I also have an online group meeting once a week. I’m not the only one with this problem, more people have this problem than we think. Still, I’m terribly ashamed of it. I always thought this was for teenage boys or wimps, at least not for a full-time working mother of two.

I don’t know if I ever dare to tell my girls. In any case, I don’t dare to count up what I’ve thrown over the bar. It’s at least 20,000 euros, I’m afraid. We could have done something much better with that – if only I had donated it to charity.”

This article appears in Kek Mama 09-2022.

Receive Kek Mama every month with a discount and shipped for free to your doorstep! Subscribe now and pay only €4.19 per edition.