‘I can be really overprotective sometimes’
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René van der Mark (35) is married to Niki (33) and father of son Noah (4) and daughter Dalí (2).
Really
“I always have to laugh uncomfortably at big news. And that happened the first time Niki showed me a positive pregnancy test. The next morning I woke up and for a moment I thought I had dreamed it. I went downstairs to check the test, which was really positive. Then the news dropped and I shed some tears.”
Wow
“The births of my children are the two most beautiful moments of my life. I don’t get nervous easily, but especially the first time I found it very exciting. I thought: is this really happening? I wanted to experience everything consciously and not miss a second. It’s fascinating how much power a woman releases during childbirth. For Niki I got even more admiration and respect than I already had.”
Let me sleep
“Noah turned out to be a dream baby, he slept through within three weeks. They could hardly believe it at the consultation office. It was different with Dalí. For the first few months she didn’t sleep at all at night, only during the day. Niki and I read books about it and hired a sleep coach, but nothing helped.
It was a rough period in which we sometimes did not sleep for weeks. We worked shifts: we slept alternately in our holiday home, to refuel. It caused a lot of frustration, but we expressed that we were both tired and that there was no point in losing weight. We had to get through this together. And then, after almost ten months, our daughter decided to go to sleep, all of a sudden.”
Also read – “Should I hire a sleep coach for my baby?” >
Overprotective
“I never worry about myself. It’s only since I’ve been a father that I know what it’s like to worry about something. For example, when Noah started primary school: could he find his way, did it click with the other children? I can be really overprotective sometimes. I then talk about it with my wife, which helps me put things into perspective. But letting go remains a process.”
“Before going to sleep, Noah and I have a ritual where we lay out his clothes for the next day. He has a strong opinion about that. The socks must match his shirt. He got that from me, I guess.”
Safety net
“My parents left me free to make my own choices and said they were behind me no matter what. That shaped me; I have always lived with confidence. I also want to be that safety net for my children. Noah often calls me ‘friend’, I think that’s a nice compliment. Although my kids and I won’t always be friends – I’ll still be their father.”
To enjoy
“I like the mornings the best. Dalí shouting enthusiastically from her bed ‘Daddy!’ calls. And often I spend ten minutes in bed next to Noah, chatting about what he has dreamed.”
This article can be found in Kek Mama 07-2022.
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