Guys, cut now! Five tips for bickering between siblings

And no, you really don’t have to play a police officer for that.

1. Try to put things into perspective

With two hotheads around you, you may not have mastered this one, two, three, but one learns by doing. And it will really help you stay calmer in the end. Arguing isn’t bad at all: it’s a great time for children to learn. Learning to communicate and stand up for themselves, for example.

2. Set yourself up as a mediator

And not as a referee or police officer. Eva: “They have a fight, so you don’t have to think about how to solve it for them. All you have to do is help them find a solution together.” Elsbeth: “Learning to argue is like learning to ride a bike. When your child gets on a bicycle, you don’t immediately say: ‘Joe, go mess around!’ It is good to guide them and sometimes intervene.”

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3. Give space to your children’s emotions

It is logical that this is sometimes difficult as a parent – especially if you see one child hitting the other, but then also try to show understanding. Eva: “For example, describe what feeling you see. ‘Hey, stop! You think it’s very unfair, I get that. I won’t let you hit your brother. Come, I’ll help you solve it in a different way.” In this way, both children feel heard.” Elsbeth: “Of course you tend to comfort the person who has been beaten, but the person who strikes needs just as much attention. And also: if you punish one harder than the other, eventually even more resentment, because the child who loses is not only angry with his brother or sister, but also with you.”

4. Make sure you are calm yourself

And that your own energy is okay. Do you find yourself irritated or angry? Then it can often be much more effective to relax yourself before going to your children. Eva: “They need someone to keep the peace, not someone to add fuel to the fire.”

5. And if all of the above does not work…

(Which is not at all surprising if you are standing in a busy supermarket with kilos of groceries or if you have only slept for three hours)… Then you always have the quick fixes: a joker that you can use if you don’t have the patience for tips 1 to 4. For example: park the fight. “How you do that, of course, depends entirely on the situation. Sometimes you’ll have to yell “stop” and break them up, other times it might be best to just ignore the argument (if they’re not punching each other) and stoically carry on with what you’re doing. is doing. And another time, the best solution might be to literally park them in front of a movie.”

Curious for more tips (and quick fixes ;)?) You read them all in the book ‘It doesn’t matter who started’. Order it here.

In ‘I don’t care who started it!’ Bestselling authors Eva Bronsveld (‘Temperamental children’) and Elsbeth Teeling (‘Relax mama!’) tell parents how they can help children – brothers, sisters and friends – to bond with each other early on. This gives children a solid social foundation. With their knowledge and humor they give tips on when and how to intervene, what to do if your child gets physical, what the point of arguing is and much more. With accessible background information, recognizable experiences and practical tips.