‘Everything is possible, no fantasy is too big’
Photography: Mark Groeneveld
Yolanthe Cabau lives with son Xess (7) in Los Angeles. In this column she shares her experiences as a single mother and career woman.
Painting on walls, making costumes from white cloths, drawing on the stairs. Our house used to be a real Pippi Longstocking House. My mother encouraged any kind of creativity. In a family with thirteen children, this caused the necessary chaos: paint, drawings and, above all, lots of colorful walls everywhere.
What have I learned from this and what will I take with me in raising Xess? Everything is possible, no fantasy is too big. I think it’s important that Xess can express his ideas and fantasies. That he appreciates his own creations and therefore himself as a person. This makes him a powerful and confident child. Last week Xess asked me if he could build huts in the house with a friend. My answer: “Let’s do it!”
Build a new life
I have taken many beautiful things from my youth, which I now try to reflect in how I raise Xess. Yet now it is a completely different time and a different situation. I grew up in a large family that came to the Netherlands and had to build a new life.
This was tough for my mother. We didn’t speak Dutch, had to go to a new school and came to live in a new environment. My mother did it all on her own and wanted a stable future for us. She encouraged us to study well and to look for a good job. In that respect, acting was not really the profession she had in mind for me. This saddened me as a young girl. Maybe it just gave me that drive to show that I could do it.
Also read – ‘I can feel the pressure of wanting to do everything right’ >
Cheer on
I do see a difference in the upbringing with Xess. Whatever Xess wants to become, I encourage everything. I want him to know that you can become anything as long as you put your whole heart into it and give it your all.
“It was always fun, but now I prefer to eat with Xess at the table”
I also enjoy eating together at the table, chatting about the day and having a long dinner. Those are things I never got before. It was such chaos in our house. The table was always full of drawings, craft supplies and papers. It was literally: grab a plate, scoop up macaroni and find a spot in the house on the floor. It was always fun, but now I prefer to eat with Xess at the table.
This article appears in Kek Mama 07-2023, available in stores from 4 July.
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