Ellen about division of labor: ‘If there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s for my boys to have the stereotypical 1950s image in mind’

I was in the car with my sons recently. They had spent the night with their father and asked how Sophia was.
“Has she eaten anything yet?” Lewis asked.
For a few weeks now, Sophia has been getting small pieces of fruit or vegetables and the boys find that very interesting.
“Yeah, but she spat it all out again,” I said.
“What you make isn’t good either.”
Lewis looked dirty.
“Who likes steamed pumpkin with steamed apples?”
“Well, you, when you were a baby.”
‘Not really. Give her a treat.’
‘Like what? Pureed frikandel special?’
He held up the tuna sandwich I had given him. I shook my head.
‘No, Lewis. Babies don’t eat tuna sandwiches.’
“Chicken nuggets,” Miles said.
Babies don’t eat chicken nuggets either. Babies eat fruits and vegetables in the beginning. And when you later have a baby, you will also give that and perhaps make it yourself. Like me.’
‘No.’ Lewis shook his head firmly.
‘Men don’t do that. Making baby snacks.’

Whoa… wait a minute.
“Men don’t do that?” I found my voice rising an octave in indignation. “Men don’t make baby food?”
‘No, making food for a baby is something a woman does. Men have other tasks.’
‘Like what?’
‘Just. Physical things.’
He raised his shoulders.
‘Nils did the garden last week (laying artificial grass, building a roof, laying tiles, etc.), I don’t see you doing that.’
‘But that doesn’t mean Nils doesn’t make baby food, does it? Nils does and he can do that very well. And I can also help with the construction of the garden.’
“Yet there is a difference.”
Lewis stayed with it.
‘There are men’s tasks and there are women’s tasks. That’s just the way it is.’
“Mom, name your favorite football club abroad.”
Leave it to Miles to subtly change the subject. I thought about it for a moment and said Liverpool, and then we were home.

Men’s and women’s tasks

Still, the subject Lewis broached kept haunting my mind. Are there really men’s jobs and women’s jobs? Of course we chose for Nils to do the garden with his father and I took care of the children and the food on those days. Are we sending a certain signal to the boys? I do my best to do all the common tasks here in the house, including technical and heavy tasks. Nils also does the housework and he often cooks.

If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s for the boys to have the stereotypical 1950s image when it comes to division of labor. The man works and does the heavy labour, the woman takes care of the household, the food and the children. Yet it creeps in and I think we are not the only family where it happens. So I put it to the test and asked on my social media what friends and acquaintances thought about it. How is the division of labor in their home (in the most common family composition, male/female)?

“Men don’t do that. Making baby snacks”

Voted well

Voting was good, at least two hundred people took the trouble to fill in the various polls. It showed that 71% do not think that taking care of a baby is necessarily a woman’s job. When odd jobs are done at home, 62% of couples do this together and 32% do it with the man. For 53% of the respondents, the man works full-time and the woman part-time, so that the answer to the following questions (who cooks the most / who takes care of the children and the household the most) was also more often: the woman. For households this was even 85%. Striking: 0% of the fathers take care of the children the most. 70% thinks making food for the baby is a woman’s job and 62% thinks it’s a
man better able to take on the heavy tasks.

Conclusion: does my son actually see well? Is this just what it is? Is it a logical division between partners? I want to teach my sons that they can/should take care of their baby just as well and that a woman can also carry tiles in the garden. Without coming across as terribly feminist: it could be a bit more equal. Or is this wishful thinking? Aren’t those traditional gender roles tied to an era, but maybe just… more convenient?