Eline: ‘A dead child is still a child’
Image: Valerie Visschedijk
Eline is married to Bas, star mom of Louie * and is now 34 weeks pregnant with the second. In this column she talks about her pregnancy after loss and everything that comes with it. This time about death.
Since I got pregnant again, people often ask me if I don’t find it difficult to be so concerned with death. I understand that very well. After all, my work consists largely of making a magazine for parents of deceased children. It’s just what people often don’t realize is that death is such a small part of Louie’s life…and all those other kids.
A beautiful boy
Louie is so much more to me than the moment the doctor told me his heart had stopped beating. Louie was our son. He was a grandson, a nephew, a boyfriend, a love baby. Louie was a brave, strong and very alert child. Louie was a beautiful little guy who completely captivated you with his blond fuzzy hair and striking blue eyes. Louie was to us the most beautiful baby that existed and indeed … passed away.
When you tell people that your child has passed away, they always recoil a bit. They get a lump in their throat, don’t know what to say and above all feel an enormous heaviness. I totally understand that too. Losing a child is also very bad, only a dead child is still a child. A child with a name, with a wealth of wonderful memories and a life it has lived. No matter how short or long.
Proud of the child
Personally, I really like it when Louie’s name comes up in conversations, when I can tell about him or reminisce. It makes me feel like he still belongs. Compare it to your child learning to walk. Don’t you want to shout that from the rooftops? This is no different for parents with a deceased child. They may no longer make new memories, but they too remain proud of their child.
“When you tell people that your child has died, they always recoil a bit”
It is also that pride, that love and connection that predominates in my work. Parents are often extra happy when they are allowed to talk extensively about their child again. Being able to share photos and say the name out loud. And I, in turn, am only grateful that I can offer parents this space and transform this infinite love into a story in which a child is once again put in the light.
Indestructible love
So no, I don’t find it difficult to deal with deceased children in my work, because it’s not about the moment of death. It revolves around the child and the indestructible love that will always last.
Since the death of her son, Eline also runs a magazine for parents of the deceased
children. Knowing more? Visit www.nelmagazine.nl.
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