“Brooklyn sleeps in bed with us, so what?”
Photography: Martika Avalon
Whether it’s club nights, the relationship with Stanley, her childhood, something with Brooklyn or a business matter, Kim can discuss any subject with Maria. Kim: “I think it is very important to be able to have honest conversations without judging each other, because you can learn from differences.”
“I see that too little in the Netherlands. In other cultures or tribes, women take care of each other and each other’s children; if one is not breastfed, the other will. That is the power of women, that connection, embracing each other. I think we don’t use that power enough – we’re being dulled by everything we think we should be: independent, married, with kids, caring, feisty, sexy, not too sexy, fillers, no fillers. Our society imposes so much on women that we are hard on ourselves, but also on each other: we are quick to judge others. When we should go hand in hand. Once Brooklyn threw up on the plane, everything was covered and I ran out of wet wipes. In front of and behind me were families with small children: no one offered wipes, no one asked if I could use help. I am afraid of that.”
“No one asked if I could use help; I am afraid of that”
Maria nods, but doubts aloud. “I also feel some restraint. Sometimes I see a mother with an incessantly crying baby. You see her breaking out in sweat, you recognize that feeling, I’d prefer to take over her baby for a while, but… I won’t. For fear that the woman will say: ‘What are you interfering in?!’” Kim shakes her head. “It’s best to say: ‘I see you’re having a hard time, I’m a mother too, can I help you with something?’
Empower
Women should empower each other, not downgrade or judge each other. What you give, you get back, eventually.” As far as she is concerned, there should be more sisterhood. “What makes someone a good or bad mother? We all do it in our own way, but always from love. Brooklyn, for example, sleeps in bed with us, a lot of people will probably like that, but… so what? I actually enjoy it. By the way, the only one who ‘suffers’ is myself, because despite our gigantic bed I always end up on the edge, with Brooklyn on top of me, haha.”
Very recognizable for Maria, whose children have also slept in her bed since birth. Maria: “Maybe it’s because Stanley and I used to often sleep with my mother, I think that’s nice. Since my divorce from their father, this became even more important for Amelle and Jean. Especially when my ex and I had just split up, a sad time full of changes, our big bed was a safe haven for us. And it still is: me in the middle, Amelle – the anaconda – with her long legs all around me, and Jean with his feet and hands very close to me.”
Bed ritual
Maria now has a new relationship, but the bedtime ritual remains the same. “When we stay with him, the children sleep in their own room. But at my house, they just lie in my bed, which means my boyfriend never sleeps over, until now. It’s our mode and we don’t want to get rid of it just yet. My friend respects that. I’m a feisty woman, but if my kids need me, I’m there.”
