Secretly pregnant: ‘My boyfriend let me choose between him and the child’

“Of course I knew I had maneuvered into an impossible situation. I was nearly forty years old and had chapping ovaries. He was 26, just graduated, barely out of diapers. For me it was quite simple: if I wanted a child, it was now or never. My boyfriend saw a baby as a threat to his freedom and the career he wanted to make.

‘Think Fast’

When I told him that I was deeply longing for a child, he wanted time to think. He didn’t want to lose me, but was looking forward to a few free, carefree years before settling down. “Think fast,” I said. Whereupon I threw the pill in the wheelie bin and didn’t waste another word on the subject. Two months later I was pregnant.

‘It’s the child or me’

My friend was taken aback and said, “It’s the kid or me.” Well, that choice was easy. A few weeks later we broke up. The check-ups at the midwife, the fun ultrasound – I did it all alone. Friends and family helped me get together for a layette and I found a job as a stylist that I could combine well with caring for a baby. Ex and I agreed that he would play a minimal role in the upbringing, but would remain in the picture. Our child had the right to bond with both of us, we agreed.

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Rock in the surf

When I went into labor, my ex was on the doorstep within five minutes. He has guided me fantastically during the delivery. He was my rock, but it didn’t change our decision. We have remained good friends; fortunately he does not hold a grudge. Once a month Isabeau is with him on a Sunday, and he comes on her birthday. Everyone is satisfied with that. Isa doesn’t know any better, her father experiences her up close and yet keeps his free life, and I have the child I longed for so much. He doesn’t need me to contribute financially to her upbringing, no matter how hard it sometimes makes me bite.

It feels a bit silly that I put my ex on the block at the time. Of course I could have opted for an anonymous donor, but thought I had no time to waste. Well, everyone is happy with the situation now and that’s what matters. ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

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