“You may think everything about me is stupid, but not my motherhood”

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“Since a few years I have been standing with one foot in the schoolyard jungle of Amsterdam. In addition to our son Julius (2) and baby-to-be (Dani is now one, ed.), I have three bonus children in primary school with my husband Michel. I see situations there where I think: this should be filmed. Hear conversations between mothers who live in their elitist bubble, detached from reality.

They all have super-smooth skin, and they’re all on Botox. Driving the same fat cars. Where another mother thinks: I couldn’t afford something like that at all. That contrast – with exceptions – is so wonderful to me. I wanted to write a book about that.

Stranger in our midst

The story: Poppy is a free bird from the south of the country who travels the world uninhibited, until she meets chef Alex. They find each other in the creative field. Alex comes from Amsterdam South, Poppy gets pregnant and moves in with him. As a young mother of son Wolf, without a pink cloud or her old existence and friends, she loses herself in the sham around which her new environment revolves. The mother mafia rules and judges. She remains the odd one out. Meanwhile, the charity event in which Alex has an important role is getting closer. The question then is whether Poppy can hold its own.

Stay close to yourself

I didn’t even know if I could write a book. I like to read a lot and I used to work for the school newspaper. From my acting and theater background, it felt natural to deepen a character and involve the reader in her story.

Of course there is an agreement between Poppy and me. I too balance between two worlds. I grew up in a creative environment, was on set at a young age. In my previous relationship with racing driver Bas Schothorst, I ended up at parties and witnessed the glamor. Sometimes nice, but often I didn’t feel at home there at all. I still have that feeling.

I may be a chameleon, but the world I describe in my book is not the world I feel comfortable in. Through hard experiences I have learned to stay close to myself. Poppy is still learning that.

Sham

I don’t mean my debut novel as a literary feat, but I do know how to convey a story. Sometimes you just have to understand what moves people, why they do what they do. Hardly anyone is one-sided. No, neither do I.

Celebrities like Kim Feenstra and Lauren Verster are among my best friends. They are not the prototype of Amsterdam-Zuid mothers, but there is simply a glamor atmosphere around them when you camp out on film or series sets. While our lives are anything but glamorous. We are also just snacking with sound men and location scouts. Get up early, long days. What you see in the media is a sham.

Read also – ‘Living in fear? Motherhood is much too beautiful for that’ >

condemn

Not everyone will thank me for that openness. Some will recognize themselves in my book and feel judged. But you can’t please everyone. I am describing some clichés because they are true. You have to have self-mockery – something I think is important anyway – to appreciate that.

“That quick judgment, I became a victim of that myself”

Many people are quick to put on a label. “Oh, he’s so lucky and married to a millionaire.” But that’s not the case at all. I don’t stay on yachts along the French Riviera, that image is what people make of it. That’s what my book is about. About how easily we judge others. Based on appearance, groups of friends, their story. I fell victim to that myself. I would have ‘taken’ my partner from my best friend. While: I did indeed know her, but they had already broken up and she was not my best friend at all. Stories of bored, wine-drinking people. Who assume the worst, without listening. Don’t judge others so quickly.

Social media

Social media is also an example of this. That’s why I only do Instagram. My account is largely positive, but people sometimes find it a problem that I show a lot of my pregnant belly. And a breastfeeding photo can just lead to a fight between my followers.

You are especially vulnerable when you become a mother for the first time. Your children are your greatest asset. You can think everything about me is stupid, but not my motherhood. People say, “Well, what world news, that you are pregnant.” To which I reply: ‘If you want the world news, you just have to follow it.’

Opposition

No, a reckoning with the gossip is not my book. But it is a contradiction. Hopefully a mirror. The thing is, most people who judge don’t see that mirror. While I think it’s so important not to take yourself too seriously and just laugh out loud. I also sometimes look back at things of myself and think: oh my god, how bad.

“Everyone is trying to please and defend her place.”

My book is also not just about the schoolyard jungle, but about growing up and being a woman in general. About how you get labels stuck on all the time. Everyone tries to please and defend her place.

My message: be yourself, don’t live for status and the outside world, enter into dialogue and – vaguely but true – act from love. Sometimes people themselves are so unhappy that it helps them put others down. It’s not for nothing that gossip magazines sell so well; they take people away from their own misery. Nothing wrong with that, but stay a good person and read it with a good can of salt.”

This article previously appeared in Kek Mama Magazine.

Knowing more? Southern mothers don’t break by Kimberley Klaver is now available (€ 20.99).