‘If I notice that a child does not go to school, I will keep him at home’

Mariëlle (40), educationalist, coach and author, mother of Marin (15), Senne (13) Noah (10) and Jesse (5):

“Two days before our oldest daughter Marin’s due date, I had a strange, ominous feeling. The midwife didn’t see anything strange on the ultrasound, but still sent me to the hospital. There, too, no alarm was raised at first, but the gynecologist looked at me penetratingly and said: ‘Okay, we’re going to get the child with a caesarean section.’ In hindsight our salvation.

The umbilical cord turned out to be twisted three times around Marin’s neck and she was in a facial position. The gynecologist told me three times that day that from now on I should always listen to my gut. I have followed that advice to this day and it has become a guideline in our upbringing.

Highly sensitive child

We now have four highly sensitive children: children who perceive very intensely and complexly. They are sensitive to stimuli and atmosphere and have difficulty with crowds. In our upbringing, that means that I tune in exactly to them and take their feelings seriously. Feeling, listening and looking beyond the end of your nose is the guiding principle.

“Feeling, listening and looking beyond the end of your nose is the guiding principle”

I don’t necessarily believe in hard and fast rules or consistency. Whether something is allowed or must always depends on how we are all doing. In principle, we eat at the table in the evening, but if everyone is very busy in their heads after a long day, it is also fine with a plate on their lap or a book on the couch. Let’s talk quietly at a later time.

The most important thing is that we teach the children to listen to their feelings. Always do what’s good for you, provided it’s not at the expense of someone else, I give them along. If I notice that a child is not going to go to school for a while, I keep him at home. I call that a charging day. Essential for a highly sensitive child.

Also read – 7 tips for raising a highly sensitive child >

Own school

In the end, five years ago I even started a special school for highly sensitive children together with a friend: the Natuurschuur. Built on our own property, next to our farm. I noticed that our children did not participate in regular education.

The eldest turned out to be much too intelligent. She had already taught herself to read in grade 1 and skipped grade 2. For Senne thirty toddlers in a class was again much too busy. And Noah was only sick at school, he’s not of the crowd. When he enters somewhere, he first scans the situation. The energy at his kindergarten did not feel good.

“The attendance officer had a better idea; why didn’t I start my own school?”

For me, having just given birth to Jesse, reason to think about a different way of teaching. I thought of homeschooling, but the attendance officer had a better idea; why didn’t I start my own school? After all, I studied pedagogy and had the necessary diplomas. In no time I had written a school plan for small groups, with not only language and math, but also subjects such as yoga, mindfulness and a morning walk every Thursday.

There are now 22 children at this school and there is a two-year waiting list. I have also written several books about highly sensitive children and upbringing and education.

Everything in moderation

In the eyes of certain people in our environment, I am a kind of woolly witch and I do special, controversial things. But we are a normal, close-knit family. Our children don’t just play with wooden toys. We are lucky that we have a lot of room to play outside around the house, but I’m really not against a screen. They can also play games on a tablet or watch TV with us; everything in moderation.”

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