‘Those study afternoons at school are already driving me crazy!’

Shirley is a mother of two children in primary school. After years of working for herself at home, she is now employed for three days a week. Three days at the office, that is. She should manage with one day of childcare and two days of work during school hours. However, the school agenda throws a spanner in the works after two weeks of work.

How do other working parents do that? Study afternoons at school are already driving me crazy!’

Own company

“Even before I got pregnant, I was working full-time from home. With my own company I could organize my hours myself and decide whether I wanted to work at home or in a coffee shop. When the children were born, that didn’t change. Although I worked a little less, I didn’t need any extra childcare. The two days at daycare and then primary school provided enough hours to work. The children are also used to the fact that mom sometimes had to work when they were at home. No problem. Everything was well arranged.

On payroll

You would think it was a dream job. Doing your thing from home and being able to be there for the kids in the meantime. For years I thought so too. Until I wanted to look for another challenge. Working for someone else again, working with a team on a good end result and a little more stability in the form of wages instead of self-written invoices that differed in amounts per month. I was looking for a little more challenge, but also for a little more peace. This year I found the job I was looking for: as an editor at a nice company in the area.

Zero hour contract

The company immediately thought along well. The waiting lists at the BSO were huge, but in the end I managed to get childcare one day a week. So in consultation I decided to work one full day, and two days during school hours. That would roughly work out to 20 hours a week. Because I don’t have childcare during the holidays and sometimes have a study day, we agreed that I will get a zero-hours contract. We then make a schedule per month. Very nice for a mother who is also indispensable at home.

Extra study afternoon

No sooner said than done. The contract has been signed, the schedule for November has been made and I have now been working for two weeks with great pleasure. But what is it with an extra study afternoon, an hour off the day before and other craziness where I have to be present? I’ve just started work and already those study afternoons that are put in the agenda are driving me crazy!

Also read – ‘I’m a working mom who sometimes can’t handle it all’ >

Guilt

All these years I have had the luxury of adapting my agenda to that of the children. And also: all these years my partner has had the luxury that I was the one who could adjust my agenda accordingly. He sometimes drives along to a field trip, but he definitely doesn’t have the opportunity to suddenly say at 2 p.m.: ‘joe, my kids get out earlier so I’m out!’ Were they out before? Then I was on time at the schoolyard. Did someone have to drive to a field trip? No problem, I will. Only now do I feel: how do other working mothers do that? I get the question if I really can’t drive to skating, if I really can’t jump in for a bike ride to gym and if I really can’t go to the library because they don’t have enough driving parents.

I’ve just had six working days and I feel incredibly fulfilled, but I already feel enormously guilty towards school and the children. I can’t go on these outings, but at the same time I have to meet with my employer before December to make a schedule full of adjustments. Out an hour earlier, a study afternoon and oh yes, my youngest has to go to the hospital on a Thursday at 1 pm because there really is no other option.

Hats off

Now I have been able to arrange it really well with my work that this will work out in consultation. That I’m home for the boys on free afternoons, that I can leave in time to make the appointment at the hospital and that I don’t even have to work during the holidays and therefore I’m not scheduled. I am very grateful for that. But if you just have a permanent contract with a set number of hours that cannot be deviated from?

In splits

The waiting lists for BSO are getting longer and longer, as a parent more and more is expected of you at school and our wishes in terms of careers are getting bigger and bigger. My agenda is full of everything that is expected of me, who arranges what and how things are taken care of. I take my hat off to all mothers who find themselves in this split and hallelujah, I am incredibly grateful for the supporters who can sometimes help. It’s something to want to be a working mother.’

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