‘I sympathize with this sweet boy’

Image: Unsplash

A teacher tells Kek Mama what she is experiencing. This time: Miss Asha (51) teaches group six.

Tuesday, break. I eat my lunch in class when janitor Jan enters. He has my fiercely resisting student Tristan with him, a good and quiet boy. Tristan has bandages on his right fist. Jan tells that Tristan has smashed a window in a door. Jan leaves, we are alone.

sorry

Tristan begins to cry, shoulders shaking. I say, “Dear Tristan, it’s going to be okay. Just take a breath. And then tell me why you smashed a window.” “It was a teacher by accident,” he sobs. “I just wanted to hit it.” “But why did you want to do that?” “Because I was so angry.” “On who?” “Just,” he says. He looks scared.

“Tristan,” I say softly, “you can tell me. I’m on your side.” After a while he says reluctantly: “I was angry with Max and Loewie. They always bully me.” “What do they do then?” Now he tells that Max and Loewie empty his bag, that they hide his sneakers and his gym shorts, that they push him if the teacher is not looking, and that he is not allowed to participate in football. I am reminded of a book by Carry Slee about bullying: Regret.

Bullying

When I ask Tristan why he never said anything to me, he says, “I was ashamed, Miss.” That’s why he didn’t tell his parents about it, he says. I get him. When you are being bullied you feel like you are doing something wrong. That you don’t belong, and that it’s your own fault.

I have never been bullied, but I can empathize with the feeling. There is a special reason behind this: I was adopted as a baby. Because my birth mother gave me away, I often felt like I wasn’t allowed to be there. That gives me an entrance into the mental world of a bullied child.

Also read: ‘My son is a bully’ >

Tears

Now something happens that Tristan looks at in amazement: I get tears in my eyes. One of them rolls over my cheek. This has never happened to me, I feel very unprofessional. But I sympathize with this sweet boy.

I invite the parents of Tristan, Max and Loewie for an interview. It takes place three days later. To my satisfaction, Max and Loewie’s parents are just as upset about what happened as Tristan’s. Rightly so: children who bully have just as much of a problem as the children they bully.

I am talking about a course that could offer a solution: Rock and Water. There, both bullies and bullied children learn how to interact with others. The bullies learn respect, the bullied get the feeling that they matter. The three parents immediately decide to send their child there.

“Very often as a teacher you have to let your feelings run free, I conclude. Then just unprofessional”

After the conversation, Tristan’s father addresses me. “I loved that you were crying, Asha. Tristan has done so much good. He seems to have become a different boy.” Very sometimes as a teacher you have to let your feelings run free, I conclude. Then unprofessional.

This article can be found in Kek Mama 06-2022.

More stories from The Teacher? Read the previous episodes here.

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