Yvonne is a chronic pain patient

Yvonne Lankhaar (35), mother of Saar (5) and Nora (3), always envisioned a sporty and healthy life. Until she had her back cracked by a physiotherapist in 2011. From then on she lives with back pain every day. “I had to give up hope of a complete recovery. That hurt.”

In 2011, Yvonne was in Africa with her husband, from which she returned with a knee complaint. She went to a physiotherapist to treat that. There he cracked her back. “He tried to create some space through my back, perhaps that would have an effect on my knee problem. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but since then my life has changed enormously.”

Search for solutions

Yvonne has been unable to sit and walk for long since that day. She has to lie down a lot to rest her back. “At the beginning you still think that the pain will go away, by keeping rest or by moving. When that didn’t help, I went to different practitioners. At the same time, I just wanted to continue with my life as I was used to. You also don’t completely adjust your life in one go, that happens very gradually. So I tried to keep playing football and studying, but over the years I had to give up more and more of that. The search for a solution to my pain continued for years. I also started my job as a psychologist, but I had to sit there a lot, that was no longer possible. In 2017 I was completely rejected because of my complaints.”

Perspective

All that handing in was hard for Yvonne. No one to help her, as she knocked everywhere for help: it hurt. When she realized that her complaints would never go away, she focused on reducing her pain. “At the beginning you have to adjust your plans and goals, because that involves a lot of sadness, anger and disappointment. Until I found a solution for my work. I can’t sit, but I can walk. That opened up my perspective. Because even though I was completely rejected, I was allowed to work. The UWV also helped me with reintegration. I started my own business and went for a walk with my clients. People with a chronic illness know where to find me and want to learn how to deal with their complaints. I had to learn not to go beyond my limits, but I gradually learned that and because of that I dared to look more and more to the future.”

Possibilities

“I looked at the possibilities that still exist. What do I enjoy and what gives me energy? I want to look back at the end of my life and think: despite my complaints, I still had a nice and beautiful life.” Likewise with her children, they know what is wrong with their mother and that because of that she cannot do as much as other mothers. “My five-year-old daughter also realizes how special it is when certain things work out. When I pick her up from school, she is so happy and grateful, really moving.” But her daughters also sometimes have a hard time with it. When her oldest was a little younger, she sometimes got angry when Yvonne couldn’t do what she wanted. “Now she understands that things can’t always be done her way. It is important to consult together. If she wants to go to the playground with me, she can, but first I have to lie down for half an hour. Or if she would like to go out and I can’t do that, we can play together in the garden or play a game indoors. That has now become normal for her: looking for possibilities together. It is now part of our life as a family.”

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Gratitude

Despite her chronic pain, Yvonne is very grateful for her life. It taught her to look at life differently. “I see gratitude in many small things: beautiful colored flowers, the sun shining, a cup of coffee, a nice music and when I have a big laugh with my children. I also see gratitude in big things, for example what my husband does for me and our family. I realize very well that I desperately need him for the physical part, but also the mental part. I am also grateful for all the help we receive from my parents and in-laws.” Yvonne also realizes that her complaints have brought things that she otherwise would not have. She can now shape her own practice the way she wants to. In this way she can mean more to her clients, because she is also an expert by experience. “I am now outside a lot to walk through my work. Before that I was inside all day and only came home in the evening. I think my life is more valuable and meaningful now than if I didn’t have chronic pain.”

put on glasses

It’s not that Yvonne wakes up grateful every day. There are also bad days and moments when the pain dominates. “Every now and then the sadness comes up. Then I think: if I didn’t have that pain, I could travel and do much more with my children. And then you get frustrated. But it’s also about which glasses you wear. The sadness may be there, you don’t have to hide it. At a certain point, that drops again and there is room for other feelings.” Yvonne is currently training to be able to sit, stand and walk longer. “I am rebuilding my work after back surgery. I hope that I can help more and more people to find their own way in their situation.”

Satisfied

It is difficult to say whether Yvonne has changed as a person due to her illness. She was always very ambitious and driven and wanted to be the best at everything. “ That ambition is still there, take my own practice as an example. But in the past it was much more at the expense of myself and I went beyond my limits. My bar is much lower now. I am less critical and more satisfied with the things I achieve, precisely because I know where I come from. There is more peace in me now. And I am grateful for that.”

Are you struggling with learning to deal with a chronic illness and do you want to see if Yvonne can do something for you? Then check out her website.

From June 1-10 she is organizing the 10-day ‘Chronic illness and gratitude’. Are you curious? Check out her website for this.

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