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yes i love my baby. But otherwise I feel fat and boring’

Being able to get pregnant for a second time is one of the best things in my life. My kids are my world and I’ve become that gooey mom I never thought I’d be.

I literally can’t go more than a few hours without my boys. But I’m now 30 weeks pregnant with my third child and I’m finding it very tough now.

I can no longer lift my toddlers or take them with me easily and I can hardly rest, because yes, I already have two children. Carrying along that growing belly isn’t sweet and romantic every day either. Most clothes just make me feel fat and ugly. I can no longer lie comfortably in bed because then all the weight presses on my stomach, which makes me nauseous. And so I sleep upright. With six pillows. I don’t feel like myself, I miss my jeans. My left buttock muscle hurts (?) – talk about weird ailments. And I’m just tired.

I think it’s important to say something about that: because who knows, other women might recognize this. Because of the society we live in, you have the feeling that you should always be happy and positive, that everything should always be beautiful and sweet. Especially when it comes to something vulnerable like motherhood and pregnancies. I am, once again, very happy with this baby in my belly. I’m super proud of my body, that I can and may experience this. Thankful I am too. So grateful. And I love my mini baby very much. But I don’t think the image that a pregnancy is rosy all nine months is realistic. Time for some different sound. You don’t always have to find being pregnant easy and nice to be a good mother.

As soon as my baby is born you can sweep me up with happiness. But dragging a big belly with all the ailments day in and day out, in combination with work and a family and a household and a relationship and social obligations and shopping and playing with your children: I think it’s tough. And I can find that, right?

Tessa Heinhuis is mother of twins Bodi and Daaf (4) and pregnant with her third child. They live in Bussum and she is editor-in-chief of Mama Magazine.

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