‘Where can I find a safe confidant for my daughter (9)?’

Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. Every Tuesday a reader therefore tells about her dilemma.

Georgina (41) is divorced and has two daughters: Jette (9) and Mies (5).

“’Jette is not doing well’, the teacher said carefully over the phone. “She withdraws into class and doesn’t want to talk about anything. I know what’s going on at your house, have you ever considered hiring a confidant for your daughters?’

Parting

My ex-husband’s divorce had been pretty smooth until then. Just as we never argued in our marriage, we don’t now. We agreed on the division of care (every other weekend the children would go to their father for a long weekend), who would continue to live in the house (he), and to what extent we would be entitled to each other’s pensions and other financial matters (not ). So far, so good.

The children also took the news of the divorce wonderfully. In fact, for them it just meant a move. My ex was already rarely home during our marriage, having him now twice a month for four days to themselves was even more than they were used to. And then they also saw him in their familiar environment: the house in which they were born. But apparently the divorce affected Jette more than she let on.

Also read – ‘The day I told my husband I wanted a divorce’ >

confidant

After the teacher’s call, I tried to start a conversation with her. About what she felt, and whether she was afraid of anything. I explained that Mom and Dad do love each other, but are no longer in love, and that had nothing to do with how much we loved them. That I would always be happy that daddy was their daddy because he was the best daddy. That we would never leave them and that both houses would be their unconditional home. She listened to it all quietly, said ‘Don’t I know?’, gave me a kiss and went outside to play.

Since then I’ve gotten less and less through to her. She also does not talk about the divorce with her father. Psychological help is not available with the current waiting lists in youth care, and school social work feels unsafe because I like to keep our private life and school separate. My sister, who is close to our children, has offered to lend a listening ear, but of course she is not completely independent either. Where can I find a safe, neutral counselor for our daughter?”

More episodes of the dilemma? Every Tuesday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous dilemmas here.