‘When I participate in a group lesson at the gym, I spontaneously miss my own mother’

Now I don’t like group lessons per se, but group lessons in the gym are the height of misery.

The combination of other people and sports at the same time – it’s something. There is always one Expert who is very much in the front, close to the mirror, next to the teacher. He can. No no, in fact: he likes it.

I’m puffing through the so-called – yes I know the terms by now – ‘Jumping Jacks’, ‘Grapevines’ and ‘Squats’, while inside I swear why I went in the first place today. That swearing under your breath is less noticeable because of the sweat that pours off my tomato head and the fact that I have to gasp for air to survive, that is.

Who.

Is doing.

This.

For.

The.

LOL.

Then there is always someone who asks questions: “How can I tighten my abdominal muscles even better?”. “Can I also practice this at home?”. In the meantime I’m crumpled in a ‘Downward Dog’ and I think about what I’ll get for dessert as a reward. A bar of Tony? Or else I’ll get an apple pie. Don’t forget that the freshly whipped cream is somewhere else.

I make a wise attempt at ‘Lunges’, but I wobble too much, which makes it more practical to just stand still. Another regular customer: De Fanatiekeling who just does a little bit extra. ‘Just, nice, you know, between the exercises, hop-hop, quick-quick, can we continue? I have energy yeah-yes-yes and I’m sooooo fit-fit-fit!’ Such a person. Not as good as De Expert, but more fanatical than gold medal winners themselves. I would like to kill such a person, albeit with my gaze. But that is not allowed during a ‘Sun Salutation’, I understand that myself.

The weights are cheerfully brought in by the fellow people in my group and according to the clock we are busy for 17 minutes. The criterion of De Groepsles is: you cannot just stop, and not even if you are about to die. No more lungs. Your legs do not feel. You miss your mother spontaneously. The Agile Spriet next to me is already stretched out on the yoga mat, ‘Side-Planning’, one leg in the air, well, one more arm – with the ease as if she’s on the couch eating a bag of chips. Good idea. What flavor will I get? bolognese? Or those spicy chilis?

New. I don’t like group lessons.

Tessa Heinhuis (32) is mother of twins, Bodi and Daaf (3). She is editor-in-chief of Mama Magazine and writes about fair motherhood.