‘We had become parents, but apart from those things nothing indicated that’
In the book The Good Mama: 13 Visions of Mothers of Color tells a number of mothers with a migration background about raising children of color in the Netherlands. They share their struggles, experiences, losses, highlights and pain points.
One of the thirteen mothers who shares her story in the book is video chief Dragonfly, Rowan Blijd (32). She tells about the stillbirth of her first son Amari, who died in her womb at 38 weeks of pregnancy. After this horrific experience, Rowan struggled with her identity. She says: “When you are pregnant, you are preparing for motherhood. Also practical. We had all the stuff in the house; a playpen, a pram, diapers. We had become parents, but apart from those things nothing indicated that. I had a lot of trouble with that. Was I a mother or not?”
Real stories
It is very important for Rowan to talk about stillbirth and to participate in this book. Partly because she is of Surinamese descent, partly because she needs real stories from mothers: “Still birth is something we don’t like to talk about at all, let alone in Surinamese culture. But if you never talk about it, you don’t really know how to deal with it if it happens to you or someone else.”
Read also: Pauline Wingelaar about giving birth to a deceased daughter: ‘Thought I wouldn’t dare to look’
As far as she is concerned, the perspective of black women and women of color should be told more often. Precisely because we grow up in a society full of inequality, in various areas: “Skin color plays a role in this. I am aware that I am raising a black man, who I will have to give certain tools to deal with. I don’t want to instill in him that he is different, but I do want to teach him what to do when he encounters racism. If you are part of the larger group, you have the privilege of not having to worry about that.”
Different perspectives
Rowan also notices that the stories you read and hear are often made more beautiful than they actually are. You actually only hear the real stories in your immediate environment, from family or friends. “It would be nice if there were many more different perspectives on motherhood in general. Because motherhood has many different forms, I have learned that,” says Rowan.
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Source: RTL News, Pluijm Publishers
