‘We enjoy it immensely, but it is spicy’
Entrepreneur Joanne Boer (26) is mother of Anna (1) and foster mother of Lina (9). Lina is chronically ill because she has a metabolic disease. “We really enjoy the small steps she takes.”
Joanne: “I worked as a pediatric nurse and met Lina on my ward. There they were looking for foster parents for her, but in order to care for her, an educated person must be around her 24 hours a day. I was educated because I worked there. So it actually came my way.” But taking care of a chronically ill child is a big responsibility. Joanne and her husband Richard (27) had to think carefully about whether they wanted to start this together. The choice was made quickly. “Somehow it felt like it had to be that way. I really felt the need to help her, she deserved a warm family.”
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To enjoy
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Because Lina is so ill, she missed a lot of school. As a result, she is lagging behind in her development. She cannot read and write and it is expected that she will no longer learn that. Lina realizes that she is different from other children, but she does not deal with her illness every day. “She really enjoys life. For example, she is not concerned that our own daughter Anna is not ill. Lina will just as well be playing outside, coloring and acting crazy. I think that’s very nice of her. Fortunately, because that way she also enjoys life. Otherwise it will be very hard for her.”
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No regrets
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“We really enjoy Lina and we don’t regret our choice for a second. It’s just spicy. Not even the medical part, because I could fully prepare for that. I knew exactly what I was getting. Only Lina is quite traumatized by everything she has been through, in the hospital and with another foster family. We really enjoy the small steps she takes. When Lina came to live with us she couldn’t do anything. Now she manages to dress herself and put on her shoes herself. And then she is completely proud that it works. You don’t know in advance what it’s like to take a child into your family. But even if it gets ten times harder, we won’t regret it. You bond with a girl like that. She really is part of our family.”
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bonding problem
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Because Lina has lived in different places in her young life and therefore could not rely on one person, an attachment problem arose. “I want so badly to let her know that we are there for her and that we won’t let her go. We are now trying to do that by offering clarity, because that is very important for people with an attachment problem. We stick to agreements. We do what we say and we say what we do. We also continuously confirm that she is allowed to be there and that she is doing well. In this way we try to improve her self-confidence. We hope that this will make Lina a little less anxious through life. We also inform her that you are allowed to make mistakes. She never learned that.”
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Joanne does not only focus on the things that can be improved. She also experiences many beautiful moments with Lina. “She laughs a lot at our jokes and brings a lot of fun and fun to the family. That’s great fun. I also notice that she is getting more and more rest here with us. These are small steps, but we are moving in the right direction.”
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find balance
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In addition to her busy family life, Joanne is also active as an entrepreneur. She produces sustainable blazers with her own clothing label. “My family always comes first and my business second. I try to keep all the balls in the air and that doesn’t always work out the way I would like. This is mainly due to expectations of myself. I expect to be the best foster mother, to be the best mother to my child, to be the best entrepreneur, to be a nice wife to my husband, to have dinner ready at home, and so on. As a woman, I think you expect a lot from yourself. Finding a balance between those roles is what I run into the most. As women, we have actually set the bar way too high. As long as we keep saying that everyone has trouble with that from time to time, the bar might be set a bit lower. It’s okay to ask for help every now and then. That’s the best thing I’ve learned as a mother. I’ve become a little more relaxed in the things I impose on myself. I think every mother should be a little bit nicer to herself. One day it works better than the next, but the fact that you at least try is a real gift for yourself and for your family.”
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Follow Joanne and her family on Instagram (@gezinshuisboer), where she shares honest posts about her (foster) motherhood and life with a worried child. Curious about her blazers? You can find it at www.joleneshop.nl.
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